2010

I'm taking the rest of the year off.

There's something very delicious about starting a day off knowing there isn't a single "have-to" in it - only self imposed ones. In other words, I don't even have to vacuum today if I don't want to.

I can do anything I want. That includes shopping for a new Mac, which I am tempted to do. What stops me is not the money or the shops - it's the enormous hassle of data transfer. The person who one day invents a simple 2-step, five minute process for transferring data between an old and a new computer will become an instant billionaire. I know that I always have to set aside two days before every last piece is in place.

So - I shall wait until next year to buy a Mac. It takes me a full year to work myself up to it.

By next year I will be even more retired than I am now - I think.

Lazy

I really like not working. This statement comes after five days off. All right - I only have two stories to write today and one of them is already done. It's no hardship. I could handle three stories a day every day and be pretty idle most of the time.

But you know what I really look forward to? Lunch, followed by a nap. Yup - it's my favourite part of the day. My second favourite part is walking with Abby. And my third favourite is doing mindless things on the computer, reading and otherwise woolgathering (or belly button lint picking depending on whether or not my belly button is exposed, which pretty well relegates that to a summer activity - and I promise - never in public. No one over the age of 16 should be exposing their belly button unless they are on a beach.).

But I digress. Where were we? Oh yes, the parts of the day I really like. I really, really, really like getting into bed at the end of the day with a good book and snuggling under my 800 thread count or flannel sheets (again - this is seasonal and I'll let you figure it out) topped by a fluffy duvet.

Photos

I love photography, a love I semi-discovered in my early twenties when I was married to a semi-professional photographer (and I have nude stills of me to prove it) but that I only really started developing recently. I adore my Lumix that I can slip into a back pocket and take with me everywhere. Nature - I want to photograph nature in all her moods and seasons - just point and shoot and come home and fix what needs to be fixed in PhotoShop (usually contrast levels).

One great advantage of winter is the quality of light - magic hour almost all day long.

Doing Work

Here's my theory about work - get it done first.

Even when I don't want to tackle a chore - especially a really big one - I handle it as quickly as possible. If I don't, it nags at me. It's an incomplete. I can't fully enjoy myself if there's a baby elephant that needs to be washed.

I spent an hour on the phone going over requirements for a web site on Thursday. I had two weeks to do the writing. But I also had five days off - to think about the work and stew about getting it done - and it's a large project.

I did the outline and first draft on Friday morning, which guaranteed peace of mind until today. So, I honed it this morning. Now all it needs is one final read through before it goes to the client tomorrow - far ahead of schedule. That leaves plenty of time for revisions.

And it feels awfully good. Now it's time for play. I wish The King's Speech was playing locally. It's the movie I really want to see.

Icebreaker

I'm not what I would call a "shopper." I don't like browsing through stores, hunting for bargains and picking up things I don't really need. I'm not really "stuff" oriented.

And then there's Boxing Day. It's one of my few shopping days in the year. (outside essential shopping days like Chapter for books - but then that's like shopping for groceries - a dire necessity).

So today I arrived at Valhalla Pure (my favourite store) about five minutes before the doors opened. They opened - I headed straight for the Icebreaker area. And if you have never heard of Icebreaker, I suggest www.icebreaker.com - it's truly the best and most sustainably created outdoor clothing in the world. The pure Merino is as find as silk or as rugged as the toughest synthetic outdoor wear. And no, it wasn't all on sale. Did I care? Not really. I wanted (and bought) the new all Merino fleecy jacket, a heavyweight sweater, a silky under layer, gloves and a hat. I have already put the fleecy, gloves and hat to the test. As expected, they passed with flying colours. This stuff is worth the premium price.

Then it was off to Chapters for their annual 30 percent off hard cover sale - that's 40 percent with my Chapters card. Then I made the fatal mistake of entering Woodgrove. It was mad - just mad. I was thinking new jeans but by the time I'd been there 15 minutes, I had to leave - in fact, I had to leave, go home, have lunch and take an extra long nap.

I'll buy jeans some other time. And sweat pants - I need sweat pants - also, another time. Meanwhile, I have all the necessities a girl could ask for: Icebreaker, good books and dark chocolate. Life is good.

Christmas

What else is there to say really, except Merry Christmas!

I wish for the peace, love and joy that fills much of the world at this time of year, to linger throughout the next twelve months. Imagine how different the world would be!

For me, a single person living alone, with family in Ontario, Christmas Day is really about a day of peace and relaxation. Tomorrow is my big day. The doors to Valhalla Pure open at ten a.m. and I'll be there and I'll be heading straight for the Icebreaker rack! I am going to treat myself to every single thing I want with no holds barred. What fun!

Then it's off to Chapters and then a very fast cruise through Woodgrove Centre, ostensibly to see what is on sale, but in truth to buy more dark chocolate at Bernard Callebaut.

Love and peace to all.

Decisions

Yesterday - and the day before, if the truth be told, I was having second thoughts - maybe even regrets - about telling M there would be no romance in our future. Perhaps I'd made the wrong choice. Perhaps I should have given it more time. After all, we could have spent Christmas together - and wouldn't that be better than spending Christmas alone?

And then I thought back to his kiss and I found myself pulling back. "No!" my mind shouted. "You did not make the wrong decision." And then I had one of those lovely flashes of insight that puts a huge smile on my face. I recalled, in one nanosecond, all the decisions I have made about men in my life - and there are actually an awful lot now that I think of it - all the "no" choices, many of which, in retrospect, I have had second thoughts about, and I realized that I have made the right decision every single time. I have trusted my instincts, relied on my heart, and have made the best choice for me in every case - and that includes in this most recent instant as well.

Now, isn't that enough to make anyone smile? I trust myself to make the right choices in life.

This morning's thought was about happiness. I am happy. Every day my happiness grows. Now - listen to this - I think that making ourselves happy is very possibly the biggest and most important job we have on this planet. I'm not talking about a quick burst of happiness when we buy a new toy; I'm talking about genuine, deep-rooted, heart-felt happiness. When I feel that deep happiness, it permeates every cell of my body, and science knows that our thoughts affect the very structure of our cells. So - if I am happy, I am building happy cells and when those cells become something else (we build an entire new body of cells every seven years), then happiness is being scattered into the world. At the same time, wave lengths of happiness are radiating out from my body and penetrating all the matter and energy in the universe.

Happiness may well be our most potent weapon for peace on earth.

So come on - get happy!

Thanksgiving

So many things to give thanks for today. I can start with sunshine on my walk with Abby this morning. I can continue with reminding you that today we have three seconds more daylight than yesterday and tomorrow seven seconds more. Another blessing? The frantic pre-holiday work schedule is rapidly winding down. I will have five days off! And then there was the delight of French class yesterday. As it becomes more and more conversational - and immersion conversational, it's also more and more fun. Classes begin again in January. At this rate, I ought to be pretty fluent within a year. And then there's German - must get cracking a bit more sharply there but that's coming along nicely as well.

And so, what a wonderful time of year to give thanks - to relax and look at life and simply appreciate everything I have - my puppy happily chewing her bone out on the deck, work I love doing, my warm and cozy home, my loving and caring and miraculous friends, my amazing good health and fitness, my abundance in all things. 2011 is going to be amazing!

Happy Winter

Happy winter!

Tomorrow will be three seconds longer.

For those of us who adore long days with heat and sunshine, that is not an insignificant number. And, although I will always love spring and summer, this year, finally, I am relishing the season. Perhaps it's because I sense this great internal freedom I haven't allowed myself to really feel my entire working life. There was always a "have-to" there. (I have to work to earn money to keep a roof over my head or I will end up an old bag lady living in the streets and eaten by wild dogs).

And so, the joy I found was in summer with its long days that somehow made work appear to not take up as large a part of those days. Now, I no longer have-to, unless I choose to impose them on myself - which I still do frequently enough. And so I am giving thanks every day for the wonders and miracles of every day - like the trumpeter swans who spend the winter on the pond and the mystical quality of the early morning winter light and the sweet smell of the damp earth and the coziness of snuggling on the couch with a good book while  the world throws a dark blanket across my windows.

Life is good - and the days are getting longer.

on again?

So today I'm thinking that I do like M after all. Isn't this fun? I could play this game all the way until - let's see - January 27 - that's when he comes to the island to do The Pursuit of Excellence!

Maybe I'll like him more then.

Or less.

Does it really matter?

Meanwhile, I believe it's true that work is an essential part of a successful, fulfilling retirement - and that means work of any sort, paid or unpaid - something to be passionate about and mainly, something to DO. That said, this week looks like a full time job and nothing at all like retirement. Everyone wants to get their deadlines in before the holidays. Oh well, just remember what the editor said to the journalist as the work piled up and the deadline drew nearer: "Type faster."

re-start

I think the saga of M is complete. Yesterday he confessed that the entire time we were communicating, there was another woman he was also in communication with every day.

Now - is that okay? Should I feel fine with that? After all, we're only at the "getting to know you" stage, right?

But you know what? I'm not okay with it. We had been carrying the conversation to enough depth that he should either have concentrated on just one of us, or told me there was someone else. So - we can be friends - no more. All other possibilities appear to have been wiped away.

Plenty of Fish - I'm back!

Attraction

M asked me about physical attraction. Do I not find him attractive? If I am attracted to everything else about him, why am I not physically drawn in? What's missing?

I thought a long time before venturing to answer the question. To describe what is missing is hard at best. Imagine walking though a forest and trying to describe what you don't see. Now imagine how easy it is to describe everything that's there - the moss, the towering firs and cedars, the earthy smell of mushrooms hidden in the wet grass....

I can describe what I like about M. I like his intelligence. I like the way he loves his dogs and his gentleness with them. I like his world view. I like his concern for the environment and I like that he walks his talk - he is actually creating a sustainable environment. I like his openness and his willingness to be vulnerable. I like his honesty - he has already earned my trust. I like his sensitivity to boundaries.

There is a lot to like.

What is missing from this list?

I know that the things that have drawn me in to men in the past have been charisma, self assurance and humour - the more wicked the humour the better. These are not words I would use to describe M.

And that's the best I can do. Despite the rain and the "gloomy" day, I will be hiking for two hours this afternoon - and enjoying every wet minute of it.

What will happen with M? I don't know. And really, it doesn't matter one bit. I am resting comfortably in the sure knowledge that I am being as honest with myself and with him as I possibly can be - and so it will all unfold as it should.

Is M still in my life?

Today's question is an interesting one. After another mild flurry of emails, I realize how much I really like this guy - and how much I want to take it slowly. I certainly want his friendship. Will anything else develop? Two days ago I would have said, "no." Today, I'm open. What I am truly open to is honouring my emotions and my feelings and particularly, my boundaries. I am open to possibilities. Either way, I am happy - and that is the best piece of news.

I really do like him.

friends

I love how things always seem to turn out well - even when, at the moment, they don't seem to be. Take the man, for instance. (let's start calling him M - for man) I suspect that M and I are going to be friends. He is still most eager to take the Pursuit of Excellence in January and that pleases me inordinately. I think it's going to make a big, positive difference in his life and give him some really great results.

Also, of course, patting self on back for being such a good sales person. The secret? Listen. Ask what he or she really wants in life. When you can demonstrate why the product you have will fill their wants and needs, you have a sale. And that applies to everything - whether you're selling bedtime to a toddler or a riding lawn mower to the owner or an estate.

Off to a party with the French classes - I understand there are games on tap - and I enjoy few things more than games! Let them begin!

Life isn't just good - it's spectacular.

Instincts

I followed my instincts and I am pleased to report that they are intact and functioning one hundred percent. Saying good-bye to the man was surprisingly easy and the right thing to do. I think I dodged a bullet.

The right person is out there for him.

The right person is out there for me.

The rightest person for me - the one I love and trust like no other - is me - and my faith in myself continues to grow.

I am also greatly blessed to have amazing friends - the ones I can call who listen and hear me. Thank you S.

I am greatly at peace with my life and with the splendid unveiling of my miraculous future. The excitement mounts.

Questions about the man

I don't know if I can do this. Does it get harder to start a relationship as we get older? Is it more difficult because of the distance involved? With distance the time together is intense and protracted - no movie and dinner nights - whole weekends at a time.

So last night we talked about him coming here for Christmas and we agreed to do that. This morning I want to run. It's too much. But I doubt myself. He's a terrific guy. I like him. I like his lifestyle and his dogs and we have fun together. But when he puts his arms around me I want to pull away. There is no "fire in the belly" so to speak. Is this something that would come with time? Or not? Am I willing to give it time when time spent together is so intense that I want to pull away more than I want to be close?

These are a lot of questions. I ask myself if the reason I want to run is because I have moved out of my comfort zone - in a good way. I wanted a relationship that is different - and this one has that potential. But all my instincts are saying "no."

Is he at the top or bottom end of my comfort zone? Do I like being alone so much that I no longer want a relationship at all? More questions.

What I think (feel, sense, intuit) is that this one was close but no cigar and that I should follow my gut feeling and continue to look. Just because I said I wanted something completely different, doesn't mean I ruled out passion - in fact, I was quite clear that passion had to be part of the picture. Do I want to settle for something that is "almost" perfect? I don't think so - I have never been willing to settle for anything in my life. I want it all and I know that I can have it all.

Perhaps I need to look at this as another step on the path that is bringing me closer to the relationship that I want.

Questions and thoughts to mull over today. Advice is welcome. Decisions must be made by end of day. Deep breath - trusting myself to do what is right.

Gratitude

I was thinking about gratitude this morning - and last night. I think gratitude may be the single most powerful emotion we possess.

I have a tiny book called, "Always We Begin Again" (The Benedictine Way of Living) by John McQuiston II and I am drawn again and again to The First Rule of St. Benedict.

"Attend to these instructions, listen with the heart and the mind; they are provided in a spirit of goodwill.

These words are addressed to anyone who is willing to renounce the delusion that the meaning of life can be learned; whoever is ready to take up the greater weapon of fidelity to a way of living that transcends understanding.

The first rule is simply this:

live this life and do whatever is done, in a spirit of Thanksgiving.

Abandon attempts to achieve security, they are futile.

give up the search for wealth, it is demeaning.

quit the search for salvation, it is selfish.

and come to comfortable rest in the certainty that those who participate in this life with an attitude of Thanksgiving will receive its full promise."

The man - a meeting

The meeting - at last! So, let's start by cutting to the chase. Yes, we are going to meet again and yes we are making all sorts of plans.

Two days - his dogs are wonderful and Abby was the consummate hostess, sharing all her toys and inviting them to play. She showed them all her favourite spots in the back 40, took them on a day-long hike up a mountain and even shared her bed (well, she does have more than one).

Speaking of sharing beds. You'd like to know, wouldn't you? (and you actually think I'm going to tell?) He's intelligent, highly educated, extremely fit and, best of all, we share all the same values - caring about the environment, social justice and so on. And he walks his talk, creating a sustainable organic farm on his acreage and so on.

We also argue - and we do it well. We really like each other. We have also agreed to go slowly, to build this on a strong foundation of shared values and friendship. He is eager to take the Pursuit of Excellence in January - how could he not be? We hiked for 6.5 hours - that's a very long introductory session!

What's next? Christmas together.

The Man

The man is arriving in less than two hours

"nuff said

reports to come

more idleness

What I thought was going to be a very productive day, will now be another day filled with more idelness. Can I handle it? You bet! I'm getting better at it every day. Although, I did just remember that I have a heap of French homework to do dealing with imparfait and conditionnel tenses - write and deliver a speech - sheesh! Work would be easier.

Reminding self - learning is fun. I chose to do this.

The rain has abated - the sun is poking through a hole in the clouds. I must take this opportunity to walk with Abby on the back 40 and give her a bone to gnaw on out on the deck. Then - to work. Only one more day until the man arrives - the man plus his two dogs. Excited? Oh yes.

Book Review - The Lacuna

The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver.

There isn't much I can say about this Orange Prize winner that hasn't already been said by well versed professional book reviewers. If you are in the least familiar with the author, her previous works and her formidable reputation, then you know that when I say  this book lives up to her rep, you'll know that's all that needs to be said.

This is an important book, more so than her previous works, even The Poisonwood Bible. The Lacuna is rich in allegory and metaphor. While we may read this book, feeling far removed from events that occurred 50 years ago in Mexico and The United States, we much realize in these pages that we are not removed at all. History repeats itself, again and again. If we are even remotely appalled by the injustices and madness of Hiroshima and McCarthyism, perhaps we need to raise our heads out of the holes where we have been hiding them, and look around at Afghanistan, Iraq and the insanities of the Far Right.... the foundation was laid more than 50 years ago. The Lacuna is historical fiction at its best.

Idle

There is a trick to being idle. It isn't easy and I'm not sure that it comes naturally. After years of working - and working - and working - I am learning how to be idle. Today, for instance, I had only one story to write. The rest of the time I walked with Abby and read and washed the floors and wasted time on the computer - easy to do.

Somehow, an idle Monday is entirely different from an idle Sunday. Yesterday, it was delicious and lazy - a day of rest. Today it was frought with thoughts of "But I should be working." I'm getting better at chasing these thoughts away but I don't suspect I'll overcome them entirely within the next day or two.

Still - getting better - getting much better.

movie review

So I downloaded "Going the Distance" - a romcom "chick flick" about a long distance relationship. Coincidence?   I"m saying it is and I'm sticking by it.

Here's my recommendation - don't bother with this one. You can find a better way to spend 90 minutes - like hot waxing all the hair off your big toes.

On the other hand, if you have not yet read "The Lacuna" by Barbara Kingsolver, do it. I'm not finished yet, but it certainly appears to rank right up there with "The Poisonwood Bible" and "Prodigal Summer."

Hike

Few things are as glorious as a very strenuous hike up a mountain, with 40 minutes of it being very steep and taxing on your legs and your cardiovascular system. This is especially true when the hike is through an elfin forest so beautiful you really do expect magical creatures to come popping out from behind a moss covered boulder - and then to reach such a delightful view at the top. When you complete that hike with a good friend and two very happy dogs - well, it doesn't get much better.

And afterwards? The rewards go far beyond being relieved that it's all over and you're still in one piece. Oh yes - far beyond. First, there's the deep, dark organic chocolate bar in the car on the way home; second, there's checking email to find a message from the man; third, a bubble bath.

A day doesn't get much more perfect than that.

Aging Well

With age comes wisdom , or so the adage says. This can be true - but the wisdom must be cultivated. With age can also come stubbornness, apathy and laxity.

Wisdom comes to those who seek knowledge, particularly knowledge of themselves. The secret is never to stop learning. That is the true fountain of youth. The most exciting words? "I didn't know that!"

Learn learn and then learn more. Never stop thirsting for knowledge. True wisdom is knowing what you don't know and committing to finding out.

Happy

It's quite possible that I'm the happiest, luckiest, most blessed person in the world?

Why? I am living a life filled with blessings - the small things - a beautiful home, a dog, health, energy, love and abundance of all things. I can get as excited about a trip to the grocery store as a first class flight to Paris. Yes I can!

And rightly so.

Work

My brother retired a few years ago - not like I retired - he did it in the more traditional way. After serving as CFO for a major corporation for some years, he threw in the towel, walked out, and began a life of leisure, which included buying more than one house in the country, doing multiple renovations, taking up a new hobby and playing golf.

When I first began to talk to him about retirement, he said, "keep working." He also mentioned that he wished he had more "consulting" work to do.

I gather from his example, and by that of quite a few other people, that "keep working" is sound advice. The key, however, is to work at something you love, preferably at something you are passionate about. That is the direction I am heading. Right now I work at things I am good at. More and more I am working where my passion lies. Result? Happiness.

We need to feel useful, needed, accomplished. Most of us need a sense of achievement or recognition. Work we love doing can provide that. And that sort of work should never end. When was the last time you saw a great Hollywood director or actor retire? Or a writer? Or an artist?

The Man Again

This reminds me of being in the dentist's chair yesterday for three hours (and I'm not complaining. I not only love the results, I also love my dentist - he's simply the best.). Except, I think the dogs were having more fun than I was.

So - the latest bulletin. The man is coming to visit on the ninth. Feels good, feels right - feels like fun. Here's the really fun part about getting older. You do get wiser (oh yes, you do) and nothing else really changes. Your emotions stay just as delightfully giddy as they were when you were sixteen. Love never changes. How you feel love doesn't change. What you do with those feelings, if you've grown at all, if you've taken the time to come to know yourself, that changes profoundly.

I am blessed.

hiking today - and other thoughts

Hiking with my friend, Julie, and her dog Ocean (and, of course) Abby, is always an intense pleasure. So the three or four hours we spent today exploring all the trails on the Extension Ridges was a pure delight. And because the ridges aren't strenuous we talked and talked and talked. Sometimes I am afraid I talk too much. And I guess I will have to let that one go.

The man did not come. He changed his mind at the eleventh hour. He called after he had already packed his car to drive to the ferry. "I'm not coming," he said. At first, I thought he was joking. When I realized that he was perfectly serious, I found myself feeling quite disappointed.

Then the really good stuff happened. He told me why he changed his mind - fear - of many things. Here I am, two ferry rides away and he has already done the long distance relationship thing and been badly hurt - and hurt another as well. Did he want another experience like that? Of course not.

I've had those hurting experiences too. And so we opened up to each other and became deeply vulnerable. We'd had some fun communication up to that point, but this time we got deep and real and rather then ending our budding relationship, we took what we have so far to some real depth and quality. I am so glad the man changed his mind. We needed to have that conversation before spending a weekend together. We needed to arrive at that depth of trust - and that is only the beginning of the depth we are capable of attaining. We both know that.

We will meet.

And when we do, it will be good.

My Father

In honour of my father's birth day, a few words about the man who contributed considerably to who I am today. He died fourteen years ago at the age of eighty-seven. He lived a good life and one filled with immense challenges. (being married to my mother was probably the biggest.)

He grew up in East Prussia, one of a family of nearly a dozen children - I honestly can't remember the exact number. Only one is still alive. Most died in the second world war - some of them brutally.

When my father was young he had polio and was told that he would never walk again. He said to the doctors, "Just watch me." And he got out of the hospital bed and fell over - and he got up and fell over - and he got up and fell over until one day he didn't fall. There were no physiotherapists in that day and that place. He taught himself to walk again.

Years later, as a craftsman in Ontario, he was applying gold leaf to the ceiling of the dome of the Ontario Legislature. The scaffold collapsed and he fell to the marble floor, hitting it feet first. I got the call in the middle of the night because I lived closest to the hospital. We rushed over and there he was in the emergency room, covered in blood, his first concern about me and that I should not be upset.

Every bone in his feet and legs was shattered - not broken - shattered. The couldn't set them. They told him he would never walk again. He said, "Just watch me."

And he did walk again, with a cane, for the next thirty years of his life. Every step he took during those years was painful. But he lawn bowled and took trips and drove and walked with his dog and never once complained. The only sign that there was pain, was his sigh of relief at the end of every day when he soaked his feet in epsom salts.

He was forty-two years old when he boarded a ship with his brother, to come to Canada. Like so many people after the war, he wanted a better life for his family. What courage it must have taken to sail to a new country, where he didn't speak the language and where he had no idea what awaited him. And he was sent to Sudbury of all places. He found work as a painter and sent for his family. He never complained, he just got down to the business at hand.

Willi was a master at seeing the silver lining in every cloud. No matter how dire the circumstances, he found a way. When his union went on strike, he drove a taxi to bring in the money we needed to survive. And the stories he came back with were always funny.

His favourite saying was, "No problems."

He stuck it out through a tough and tumultous marriage and continued to love my mother unconditionally until the day he died. Life got easier for him as the years went by - except for his constant pain. He was not the perfect father. He grew to adulthood in a time when men were more detached, when they didn't show their emotions like they do today - but he showed us how to have hope, how to assume the best of our fellow man and how to never, ever give up. And that, is a great legacy.

More Flirting

The long distance email/phone flirtation with the man has moved on. He is making the two-ferry trip to Nanaimo on Saturday, bringing his two dogs, hiking boots, ski poles (and, presumably, skis), snow boots and bowling ball.

Don't ask.

He is planning to stay until Monday morning.

Clearly a weekend stay is far beyond the realms of plain, old fashioned flirtation. And I know exactly what you're thinking - what about the sleeping arrangements?

None of your beeswax.

All right - I have several options. How's that?

Never underestimate a semi-retired woman, especially not one who doesn't feel a day over 30!

Law of Attraction

Today I had the great pleasure of interviewing Judy Basso of Judy Basso Events & Decor in Kamloops. This is a woman who could be an inspiration for anyone. Twenty-one years ago, when hardly anyone had heard of the term "event planner," she became one.

Recently she won the Best Wedding award for 2010 for all of BC. Her secret? The Law of Attraction. She doesn't just believe in the law and practice is - she lives and breathes it - it is an integral part of her life. As a result, in 21 years, 100 percent of her clients have given her rave reviews - and that ranges from weddings to corporate affairs, galas and fundraisers. In her life, there are no challenges, just opportunities to prove how creative and organized she is. She is enthusiastic and positive and because she operates from a ground of such faith and knowing that she will receive exactly what she asks for, she also operates from a ground of extreme confidence - and, of course, confidence means expecting ideal results - and she gets what she expects.

We can all emulate her. Every one of us. Believe you will receive all the best life has to offer, live your passion - and you shall receive.

Stories

A comment (based on a book) that my friend, Annette made, got me thinking. What do I do really well? Simple - I tell stories that inspire social and environmental activism - stories that touch people's hearts.

I want to tell some of those stories in this blog. To do so I need your help. Who do you know who has an inspirational story to tell? We hear all the stories every day about the environmental disasters and all the other things in the world that are wrong - foreclosures, child abuse, poverty - the list is a long one. I fear that most of us simply turn away - it's too much, it's too depressing. We pull a blanket over our heads and don't listen - and we do nothing.

I believe most of us are motivated to do something when we are inspired to act. And I also believe there are a million reasons to be inspired. I want to publish some of those reasons.

If you know someone who has succeeded against all odds, tell me. I want to tell their story. Here first, perhaps more later.

Another secret of retirement - use your time to do what you love, to do what you are called to do. to build a legacy.

Snow

When I look for things to be grateful for in my life, I don't have to look long or far. How's this for paradise? A day spent hiking the Westwood Ridges in a new snowfall. Making new friends, watching the dogs romp in the snow. Sliding back down the hill on our bums, laughing - most of all - marveling at the beauty around us.

I live a blessed, rich and abundant life. And every day it gets better.

What will tomorrow hold? Likely, Harry Potter... but I suspect a lot else besides.

Tomorrow

A big hike tomorrow.

An increase in flirtation today.

It gets better.

My new definition of retirement: giving yourself over fully to your passion in life. Step one: discover your passion. If you've been stuck in a 9 to 5 rut for years, this may take time. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with it being easy. Find your passion. Identify your path, commit to it - then (important step) do it!

I've been excited about quite a few things lately. One of those is an idea for a new book. It's very ambitious. But then, shouldn't a woman's reach exceed her grasp?

Flirting

You're never too old to flirt, to be infatuated or to fall in love. I know this from having interviewed people of eighty plus years who met and married in a nursing home and were, quite obviously, deeply in love. I know this from the stories I've heard and from the evidence I have seen.

And so, I am thoroughly enjoying the best online flirtation I've had in ages. I don't even care if we never meet. It's just so much fun and I love the little heart flip when another message appears.

Did I mention that life is good? No? Silly me. Life is grand.

Work

Today certainly didn't look like a day of retirement - or even semi-retirement. It started with a three-hour meeting - then hurrying back to complete two features.

But, in truth, at least part of the day was the best kind of retirement - doing work you really love doing. I don't imagine anyone really wants retirement to be all about sitting on a couch with the remote. And even a constant schedule of travel can become "same old, same old" after a while. We all still need a sense of accomplishment or worth.

One of the ways I achieve that is in doing great writing (telling stories) that make a difference. I was given that opportunity today and it's lovely. I'm having so much fun.

A Dog's Purpose

Was it only yesterday that I was writing about purpose?

Well, then, it's obviously no coincidence that I just finished reading, "A Dog's Purpose" by W. Bruce Cameron. Warning: if you love dogs you're going to cry - more than once. But don't let that stop you from getting your hands on this book. It's magnificently written, beautifully interpreted and the story is gripping. There's a lesson here on purpose for humans, too. This is definitely I book I'll read again. But first, I have to mop up some more here.

We have so much to learn from these creatures who live to love us.

The Beatles were right.

It just seems to take us humans so much longer to realize this.

Mind Power

Thanks to Pam Lewis for giving me "Mind Power" by John Kehoe. Of all the "Law of Attraction" type of books I have read, this one is the best. I feel inspired - or perhaps, even more inspired - to live large.

No dream, no ambition, no goal is too big or out of reach.

I know that. I have always known that if I want something badly enough I will have it. This, of course, is rapidly proving to be more than a "New Age" fantasy. Science is proving it and I have proof - in my life, it is irrefutably true, that I have what I believe I deserve.

My life is a physical manifestation of my beliefs. My beliefs are getting better and bigger and more glorious every day.

Watch out world!

Here I come!

Purpose

As I was walking through the autumn woods this morning with Abby, my thoughts turned to purpose - as in life purpose. I'm sure this must be the one millionth time I've thought about my life purpose - and that's probably only a very slight exaggeration.

Yes, I've done the self development programs (most notably the Excellence Series: www.excellenceseminars.com) and I have revealed "purpose." I know that my purpose is to fully be who I am etc. etc. but I was thinking about purpose in a much larger sense. Perhaps the word I am looking for is "legacy" more than purpose.

I look at my life and realize it is quiet and quite ordinary. I don't sit down in front of this blog every day (or nearly every day) and start describing great, spine-tingling, chill-inducing, death-defying adventures. The reason I don't is because I'm not having any. Not that I'm complaining - I love my life. But my mind occasionally turns to people like Greg Mortenson and Mother Theresa and Ghandi and dozens of others and I think, "There was a life lived with purpose, vision and passion. There was a legacy left to the world."

What about my legacy? What will I leave behind?

I don't have the answer but the search is, I think, a worthwhile quest. Coincidentally (ha!) I stopped by Chapters right after our hike and picked up a book titled, "A Dog's Purpose." It's the story of a dog searching for his purpose through multiple lives. Excellent. And then Pam Lewis gave me "Mind Power," a book she said would blow my mind.

Excellent. Ask and it shall be given.I also picked up a French/English dictionary and two German language books. I think I'll start practicing German by asking my mother if we can please stick to German, however pitiful my efforts are, when we talk on the phone each week. I resisted the thought originally - even that slight favour makes me feel vulnerable around her and that's a "no-no" for me. I decided to change my mind about that. I don't have to be a victim of my childhood.  64 seems an appropriate age to grow up and get over myself.

Eureka!

I had a quiet Eureka moment last night about an hour after French class. I realized that I am not meant to be studying French - I should be learning German! (or at least perfecting my German.)

Now I'm not saying that learning French is a waste of time. Learning is never a waste and I am enjoying it and will continue to get a great deal of benefit from it. But when I travel in Europe I tend to stay in Switzerland where German is spoken - at least it is the the Berner Oberland where the best hiking is. My relatives live in Germany and speak German. German is the language I grew up in - wouldn't it be nice to get my vocabulary up to scratch - and my grammar - and my pronunciation?

I'm far more excited about German than I am about French - or any other language really.

What a delightful thing to realize so early on. So, in the New Year, I shall switch to German. In the meantime, j'etude le Francaise et je suis heureux.

Believe

I saw a greeting card some years ago - I'm sure you have too - it's been a perennial favourite since it made its first appearance. The message consisted of one simple word: "Believe."

What we believe is ultimately what we experience in life. So, yes - believe! Believe in magic and magic will drop into your life every day. Believe in love and you will love and be loved. Believe in joy and it shall dog your footsteps.

The Buddha said, "What we think we become." But what creates our thoughts? What determines those thoughts? Some thoughts we consciously control - but so few, really. It is our unconscious thoughts that tend to be the boss and those stem from our beliefs. I believe that we are wise to focus on the things we believe in and change those beliefs if they aren't working for us. Then, watch those results come pouring in.

So I was musing this morning about my beliefs. What are the beliefs that serve me well? I believe that all people are basically good and that given what they know, they are doing the best they can. I believe the world is beautiful, miraculously so, and that we have the power to preserve its beauty - and that we will. I believe that love is the driving force of life. I believe that all sentient beings have feelings, thoughts and emotions and are worthy of respect. I believe in friendship and I believe that people merit our trust. I believe that laughter is healthy and can create world peace and I believe our bodies were made to be healthy and strong and to last a hundred years or more.

I believe in bliss and in the eternity or the soul and that abundance and happiness are our natural states. I believe we are our brothers' and sisters' keepers. I believe in justice, truth and fair play.

I realize this list could go on and on. I believe in goodness. And I believe that I have beliefs that don't serve me well. My limiting beliefs steer thoughts that give me results that are less than spectacular. If I want to uncover what those beliefs are, I only need to look at my results. I am financially comfortable but not as abundant as I want to be. The good news about that is that I'm getting at the root cause of that and it's changing. I grew up with the belief that in order to attract money, I had to work hard. And that is exactly what has occurred in my life. No more. Lately, more and more, I am attracting money by working with ease and, most especially, by not working at all. In fact, soon I'll be paid by the government , specifically not to work. I like this system a lot. I have noticed myself telling myself and Abby how very rich we are.

Result two - still single and still without a relationship. My beliefs about that? I have a list longer than my proverbial arm. It started in my teens when my belief was that all men wanted was sex (and I had a lot of evidence to back that up) and continued in my thirties when I believed that "there are no good men out there - all the good ones are taken." Trust me, I had a lot of evidence supporting that belief. I suspect, actually, that I deliberately looked for evidence. We would often rather be right about our beliefs than change them. What do I hear myself saying now? "At my age, it's really hard to find someone." "I can't find a man to keep up with me and to be really active." "Do I really even want to be bothered?" Yes, the list goes on.

What I need to believe is that there are tons of men out there who are active, happy, healthy and attractive who are just dying to meet me and who I would be madly happy to have a relationship with. Can I believe that? Yes, if I can find evidence and yes, I am gathering it - tiny bit by tiny bit. But that's the secret to changing beliefs - look for evidence to back up a new belief - that's what will lend it credence and make it solid. You need to cast aside doubts and proof tends to do that.

In the end, changing beliefs is all about the scientific method but I don't think it works to find evidence first - decide what you want to believe, then look for evidence - then your thoughts will change and as your thoughts change, so do your actions. The result? Well, the results you want, obviously. Just believe.

Relative Time

This is the best time of my life. Right now. No, wait - now -um - well, now. And now is never now because the minute you say "now," now is past.

I've been wrestling with the idea of time forever. Apparently, I'm in good company, although Albert seems to have had a much better handle on the notion than I do.

What I want to do in this best possible, beautiful, eventful time of my life is live each moment to the fullest and to remain present in the here and now. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Ha! Even as I sit here writing this, part of my mind is thinking that as soon as the clothes are dry, I'll fold them and put them away and then I'll have to "get through" the next hour or so until I can have lunch and read the paper (I love this - look forward to it every day - which means, of course, that I am not in the moment.).

Then I'm looking forward to a nap and then a long walk with Julie and the two dogs - and off I go - projecting madly into the future when what I want is to love this moment. And I do! But.....

Which leads me to the question: when am I fully in present time? I define that phenomenon as those occasions when time seems to stop - when I am so absorbed in what is going on right here and now that I am unaware of anything else, least of all the future. Those occasions are rare. They have come to me now and then in my work - editing film particularly. But most often, when I am out in the mountains hiking - when I am surrounded by beauty so compelling that I pray and thank spirit for my blessings. My heart grows so full it feels as though it will burst - and time ceases to have any meaning - at least for a short space of time. (there's that word again - please note the paradox).

I think that at least one of the secrets of a happy retirement (and a happy life - period) is to become conscious of those things that enrapture us and to do those as often as we can.

Which means, inevitably, that I'm looking forward to my next hike this afternoon - in the future, of course. But I do love the present - really....

November Hike

It seems I get luckier and happier every day. Today I made a new friend and together (with our dogs) we hiked up Maple Mountain and around it and down - we hiked into the clouds and swirling mist, the cloud muffling all sounds and creating a magic forest of green moss and ferns and shape-shifting trees - the kind of forest where you expect the fairies to come popping out with little, peaked, leaf-green caps on their heads. I could almost see them dancing on the soft carpet of moss.

Then a drive home and a long, hot bubble bath - pure bliss. Lying in the bath, contemplating how very, very fortunate I am.

Reading a wonderful book (Room - shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize) and listening to the rain on the roof. I contemplate this life getting a little better every day - and I contemplate, at the same time, ways to contribute so that others' lives too, can become a little better each day.

Two days since I have done the French catch-up homework I told myself I would do. Oh well - I'm semi-retired - no shoulding on myself.

Rainy Friday

Sometimes retirement doesn't feel like retirement - not even semi. Well, it does and it doesn't. Let me explain what I mean. Today I have two features to write, which is pretty much what I'd be doing on any working day.

But, I'm happy to be doing them.

And yesterday, I landed a contract for the kind of free-lance writing I want to do and plan to do more and more of - working with a company that does personal development training. Yes, please, give me more inspirational work. I am called to inspire social and environmental activism by telling powerful stories that touch people's hearts.

My first feature for the day is about a catering service in Kamloops that uses only organic food and sources everything locally. Hurrah! That's easy to get behind. And this company, aptly called Conscientious Catering, even won the Iron Chef Team award.

So, it's not like retirement because I'm working and it's very much my sort of take on retirement because it's doing work that I like.

And tomorrow I am off on a long hike rain or shine with a man I have never met....

Intriguing.

Francaise! Oui!

Yesterday I had my first French lesson. So I walked into the room with five other people, all of whom had been through the first 47 chapters of the textbook together - and I came in on chapter 48 - declining irregular French verbs in the future tense!

Was I intimidated? Uh - your bet! But not for long, I am happy to report. I had such fun! My French comprehension is so much better than I thought it would be. My accent, on the other hand, leaves much to be desired. But I got it! And I am immensely proud that I was able to answer all the questions in French and even write three paragraphs on the charms of La Belle Provence, all using the future tense! Whew!

The hour and a half flew by and I was thrilled with the experience. But - yes, there's a but - homework. I did it - I completed it. But I admit that it was a bit tedious. I was trying to analyze why and I think it's that I have to write out the answers, which is such a slow process when the answers come into my mind so quickly. If I only had to think answer and sentences, I could get through the work in five minutes. But writing it all out takes at least half an hour or more.

Nevertheless, I am telling myself this is great practice and I shall persevere. I have also set myself the task of plowing through the first 47 chapters of the text book on my own. Not all before the next class, however. I do love the interaction of the teacher (who is a genuine hunk, by the way) and the students. I always find that so much learning occurs in that process.

So I love being a student and I hope/expect to see tons of progress. Yoga tonight. My life is rich and full and delicious. I was remarking to a friend the other day that I feel exactly as though I am falling in love. And I suppose I am - I am in love with my life.

The Challenge

The challenge with not working is not working. Because I am "semi-retired" my work paraphernalia surrounds me. The difference is that instead of doing about three features a day, I am doing one or two and occasionally none at all.

Now, I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. Far from it - it's quite desirable actually. It's the issue of getting my head around it. I still have moments - quite a few of them if I'm going to be honest - of thinking that I "should" be doing something more constructive than sitting in front of my computer playing spider solitaire.

But should I? Why do I feel guilty when I am "wasting time." And how do we define wasting time anyway? Is it wasting if I'm perfectly content to do nothing. Isn't it a greater waste of time to be working at twenty jobs at once, frantically trying to hit deadlines and hating every minute of it? I see so many people who are very busy getting things done - moving paper from one pile to another and watching the clock and waiting, waiting, waiting for the day to be over. That's a waste of time.

Time is precious. It's also relative and I could debate its very existence but  as I go through my very human and ordinary day, I move through time as we know it and have defined it.

It's time (there's that word again) to truly enjoy doing nothing and to do nothing guilt free. I notice though that the phrase "do nothing" has the word "do" in it and therein lies part of the problem. So let me re-phrase this. It's time for me to perfect the art of being idle.

Doesn't that have a much better ring to it? As in, "the idle rich."

Move over, idle rich, I'm joining your ranks.

Blessed

I am so blessed.

Blessed to be alive, blessed to be living this particular life. Blessed to be living this moment - this exact point of right now.

The secret to happiness? I don't dare to assume that I know that. But I'll tell you what I know for certain. Happiness absolutely is related to our ability to be here now - to take in our blessings and to celebrate them - and to realize that we are being showered with blessings by a benevolent universe right now.

The Buddha said, "What you think you become."

Mike Dooley (a far more contemporary version of a Buddha-like persona) said, "Thoughts become things, choose good ones."

So I think, that in order to keep this joy and happiness flowing, singing, bouncing and pulsing through my life, I simply have to remember, every moment of every day, how blessed I am.

And I am.

Let There Be Work

I don't think I will ever stop working. When work is a pleasure and when it fulfills those needs that drive us, why stop?

I realized this week that now that the "pressure" is off my work and the stress has disappeared, I enjoy it. I no longer dread Mondays. "Working days" are like any other day. Filled with anticipation, serenity, happiness. I like the flow of my weeks - and that includes how much I love my routines. I don't think it's just me. I think we are creatures of routine. I like doing laundry on Wednesdays and Fridays and shopping on Thursdays. I like my little morning rituals - out with Abby, shower, dress, feed Abby, breakfast, make the bed, fire up the computer - and so on.

And I like the flow of a work week. Even though I now embrace every day, rather than counting down to Saturday, I still like walking up Saturday morning and thinking, "ah - the weekend!" I like each individual day and what it brings.

Time is relative? Oh yes. It used to go too fast. Then it went too slow - now it flows just right. The glory of each moment has me wanting to hug myself and squirm, as though my body can't contain all my emotions.

Today - a wonderful photo-taking walk on the back 40 - this afternoon, a hike on Extension Ridge - and I'm packing a flashlight, just in case. Really, it doesn't get any better.

Parlez-vous Francaise?

I think one of the many secrets of having a fabulous, adventure-filled semi-retirement is to do things you love - things that expand your horizons, things that stretch your comfort zone, things that engage your mind and things that are just plain new or a re-visitation of activities you once loved and have had no time for.

Truth is, I love learning and I love languages. With that in mind, I called the Wentworth Language Centre today to inquire about French classes. I want to get beyond my halting, high-school level French and actually become fluent. I want to be able to "think" in French when I speak it. I was told that the next eight-week session begins next Tuesday. Too soon, I said.

After I hung up, I asked myself, why is that too soon? Really - why? I can afford it easily, The time is perfect. If not now, when? So that's it, I'm enrolled. So excited.

What's next? Spanish? Italian? What other language would be fun to learn and speak and think in?

Yoga

Yoga tonight. I like yoga - I like the peace, the serenity, the stretches and especially the final relaxation/meditation when I get a chance to experience the full chatter and noise of my mind.

Tonight I had a lovely insight. My mind emptied (for a split second) as I listened to the CD of chanting. Then a thought: everything, every single event in my life has brought me to this perfect moment.

My next thought was, "Great, I'll blog about that!"

Sigh

Space Scrubbing

Today I almost completed my space scrubbing. Space scrubbing is a very important activity and a big focus of The Advancement of Excellence - the third program in the Excellence Series. www.excellenceseminars.com or www.contextinternational.com.

Space scrubbing is something I seem to do instinctively whenever my life undergoes a big change. And, of course, this semi-retirement gig is the biggest change I've experienced in decades - well, one decade at least. Last week, I tossed stuff, I cleaned out stuff, I moved stuff to the garage. Yesterday I put said "stuff" into the car. This stuff included: a pink lampshade, computer cables circa 1992, a chipped blue vase, a bread basket, a Chinese tea pot, a kettle, a game of dominoes, a computer monitor, an angel candlestick - well, you get the idea. The recycling depot welcomed me with open arms.

But first, I drove to the bank, deposited a nice big fat cheque and bought a bank draft that I dropped off at the Toyota Dealership, thus wiping out my car debt.

By the time I got to the Morrell Nature Sanctuary with Abby, I was practically bursting with song. Space scrubbing will do that for you. I hiked the trails in a state of near bliss. I felt - and feel - abundant, wealthy, rich beyond imagining, clean, light and ready for all the good things the universe is about to drop into my lap.

I highly recommend purging your physical space. Clear it out. Make room for new things. Start with the closets and cupboards and the garage, the attic, the basement - check those hidey holes you don't often glance at. When that's done, what else is there? Debts? Discharge them. Nagging chores you've been putting off? Do them. Heck, I even got out my sewing kit and repaired my favourite turtleneck sweater. And believe me, if you know how I feel about sewing, you'll understand how far I stretched to scrub every last inch of my space.

All that's left now is to move garbage to the curb - one week at a time. Oh yes, and wash and vacuum my car. It's all dated. The Advancement of Excellence offers wonderful advice that clears the mind of those nagging chores: do it, date it or dump it. The last one refers to nagging chores you know you will never do. Realize you will never do them/it and delegate or just tell yourself the truth - that it will never get done - and forget about it.

I've done it - I've dated a couple - and I am so ready for the adventure to continue. I don't think I've been this excited since I was a four-year-old on Christmas Eve. Come to think of it, I may be even more excited than that.

Maybe not every day

This is Abby - one of the great blessings in my life. This photo was taken when she was eight weeks old. Thoughtful, isn't she? She still considers things carefully - well, most things. Not food - or anything that vaguely resembles food.

But on to the topic that the headline hints at. I have decided not to hold myself to "I should write my blog every day." Nope - I am semi-retired. I can make my own rules - like writing when I want to, which, given how much I love writing, will likely be quite often, maybe even more than once a day on occasion.

Just don't yell at me if I miss a day, okay? I am on vacation - semi-permanently.

Goody Enough

On my hike this morning through Yellow Point Park - in the rain and in the sun - I mused about the Law of Attraction, or, as I like to think of it, Thoughts Become Things (think good ones).

This is one law I believe in as solidly as I do the law of gravity - it exists whether we believe in it or not. I can see quite clearly how everything in my life is a result of my thoughts. And where do my thoughts come from? They are a result of my beliefs, most of which I accumulated when I was very young, certainly too young to consciously choose my beliefs. Naturally, as I grew older, I became more conscious but I have had to do some pretty serious work to unearth beliefs that weren't working for me.

At this point in my life, I want to be very clear about my thoughts and my beliefs - I want to be very clear about what I want because, sure as shootin', I'm going to get what I think about. I have accumulated an awful lot of beliefs about relationships that do not serve me. To whit - I've been single for ten years, during which time I have had two miserably failed love affairs, neither of which nurtured me. To list all the beliefs I have about relationships here would take a very long time and far more soul searching than I want to do. Besides, I don't think it's necessary. What I tell myself now is that I am happy and I don't need a relationship. At the same time, I work at changing my mind about that in a very intellectual sort of way. I am concerned that I don't desperately want a relationship. I think I "should" want one. Somehow or other I want to want one - I want to get some emotion into this want - some oomph!

I was thinking about this on my walk and the thought occurred to me that perhaps the mere fact that I worry about not wanting a relationship badly enough is, in itself, enough wanting. Maybe, just maybe, that's all the proof the universe needs that I'm ready.

Goody enough?

Maybe so. In fact, I think so because as this thought developed, I smiled rather broadly as I walked - I had the same sort of "aha!" feeling that I had earlier this year down in Big Sur when I understood the reason I was single: I was (quite rightly) avoiding the perpetuation of my relationship history. The thought that put a big smile on my face on that occasion went something like this: "I want a relationship unlike any I have ever had before! I want to experience something brand new! I want a relationship that is mutually loving and joyful and full of respect and fun and - well - all good things, including passion."

So there you go, universe - over to you.

What else do I want? I've pretty well put it out there that I never want to worry about money so I know that I will always have enough to live comfortably. But I am also a tad addicted to budgeting. So it's time to up the ante. I want more - I want affluence. No - not billions - but a million or more - yup, I can handle that. Once again, over to you, universe. Do your thing!

Health? That goes without question. That's one I'm so sure of I don't even need to think about it. I'll probably be climbing Everest on my 101st birthday.

Enough wishes? Nah. We're allowed infinite wishes. After all, we made the rules of the game and we're way to smart to place limits on ourselves. But that will do just for now.

Did I mention that I've never been happier in my life? I am so open to everything that's coming my way.