procrastination

I am completely incapable of procrastinating. Goddess knows, I've tried. But I can't stand it! I can't bear to have so much of my mind tied up on what I have yet to do, that I can't - just can't. I need as much mind power as I can free up just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

That's really my secret. People often ask me how I get so much done and so quickly - because I can't procrastinate - dammitall!!!

So I guess that's probably a good thing, right? Right?

Oh - small confession - I CAN procrastinate on dusting - but I rather think that's avoidance - not procrastination.

The point of all this? I got a lot done today - all those things (like a dentist's visit) that are never on the top of my list of things I want to be doing. But boy, it feels good to get them done. That's the reward.

Contribution

I have been thinking about all the things I want to do once I retire more fully - when that time comes. I've been thinking about going to university and studying languages and creative writing. I've been thinking about travelling.

And today I had a thought that feels right. It's time for me to make a serious contribution. I believe I must have skills somewhere (checking the laundry hamper) that are going to be of use somewhere in the world. I am passionate about several causes - human rights, animals - it's time to make a contribution - to do my part to leave this world a better place than I found it. The Central Asia Institute? the SPCA? Someone can use my skills. The investigation begins. What better way to retire?

Contribution

I have been thinking about all the things I want to do once I retire more fully - when that time comes. I've been thinking about going to university and studying languages and creative writing. I've been thinking about travelling.

And today I had a thought that feels right. It's time for me to make a serious contribution. I believe I must have skills somewhere (checking the laundry hamper) that are going to be of use somewhere in the world. I am passionate about several causes - human rights, animals - it's time to make a contribution - to do my part to leave this world a better place than I found it. The Central Asia Institute? the SPCA? Someone can use my skills. The investigation begins. What better way to retire?

The World

I remember when the Berlin Wall fell. I cried. I don't think anything brings me to tears more quickly than the glory of the human spirit when it rises to meet challenges - humans struggling for freedom, truth and justice - against odds - humans helping their fellow humans - the spirit shining through.

And so today, I read avidly about what is happening in Egypt - Tunisia - Yemen - about a movement that is spreading across the Middle East - a movement that is about freedom and justice. I believe in the people. I believe they (we) will win and I believe we can make this movement global.

Make no mistake - we too must fight for our freedom, which is today in intense danger, besieged by big business, big banks and big power.

The real power is we, the people - all we have to do is remember that. That is what people like Mubarak (and Monsanto? and.....) are so afraid of. They know that they can only hold on to power as long as we allow them to - as long as we pretend we are powerless. We are not.

I stand today with my brothers and sisters in Egypt. They are showing us the way.

Stop it!

We make things so complicated. My heart is in my throat as I follow the news coming out of Egypt. Why can't they simply have freedom and democracy? Because of politics - the US is hedging its bets - freedom or political gain?

This is the thing in the world - we complicate everything with our politics rather than simply speaking the truth and getting on with things.

I suggest we simply stop it! Whatever "it" is. It's time to stop making excuses for our dysfunctional behaviours - politically, nationally, personally.

I refer you to this work of comedic genius http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1g3ENYxg9k

Laugh if you will - but you know what? It really is that simple.

If what we are doing in the world or in our lives isn't working, Just Stop It!

Today I said no.

And that, folks, is one of the hardest things I have done for a while.

I know I'm not alone in this. Women, particularly, have a hard time saying no. Every time someone asks one more thing, one more task - fit in just one more thing - my response, historically is yes. Even when yes means a major dose of stress.

Why do I say yes? I want to be a hero; I want to be admired; I want approval - all of those things mixed with a generous helping of fear of losing admiration and approval. In other words, the unconscious self-talk runs along the lines of, "I am only worthy if I do (fill in the blank) and do it will and do it better than anyone else. I have to make myself indispensable.

Of course, that's all a load of crap.

Glad I've realized it.

The approval and admiration I am giving myself for not putting myself under a load of stress is much bigger than I could get externally.

You see? You can teach an old dog new tricks.

Change

Let me update an old cliche - nothing in life is certain except death, taxes and change. Might as well embrace all three.

I admit I love change and it's just as well because it keeps coming at me. Interestingly, the older I get the more the change pours in. Ironic, isn't it, when most of us resist change the older we get?

I embrace it! I get excited by it. I am always curious to know what happens next. I sense change in the air in many areas of my life - some of them I get a sense of; many will surprise me.

One reason to love change - knowing that on some level you are the one who is orchestrating it. You may not be aware - but yes you are - we are so powerful!

Learning

The prayer goes something like this: "Oh Goddess, please let me remain somewhat humble and realize that just because I'm old (for chrissake) doesn't mean I know the answer to everything. So preserve me, please from becoming a pompous ass!"

The best way to stay humble, in my humble (ahem) opinion, is to keep on going to school. I don't much care if it's university or the cliched school of hard knocks, I want to keep on learning until the day I expire. (time for at least a few doctorates, methinks)

One of my favourite expressions: "I didn't know that!"

I love information. I love "aha" moments. Formally, I am studying French (oh to become relatively fluid some day!). Informally, German, language, bridge and everything else that crosses my path - and yes, that includes yoga (ouch).

And that's only in my state of semi-retirement. Post secondary education is free to anyone over the age of 65. Imagine what I can get up to then!

excited

Excited! Yes I am!

Yesterday's insight is still vibrating inside me. I feel like something has shifted - like a new piece of life is opening up for me. Not to sound too hyperbolic of anything, but I really believe that something has fundamentally shifted in my life. I am seeing my life differently, especially my past.

Oh course, large chunks of my Basic Story (BS) are buried in my unconscious. But somehow I know that doesn't matter. I have the power to change that consciously - and easily. The hard part was getting to the insight. The rest of it is a walk in the park.

My BS

If I change my STORY, I can change my mind!


Thanks to Laura for posting this on Facebook. Thanks for giving me a rather large insight!


It's wonderful to know that I am never too old to change.


So what's the insight? Glad you asked.


Some years ago, I did a program where one of the exercises had us standing up in front of a group of about twenty people to tell our Basic Story (BS). I noticed that the stories were, for the most part, tedious and centered on "victim." Mind was no different, believe me. I can trade sad life stories with the best of them.


MY BS is what I have been telling myself, as well as others, all my life. (insight coming) My BS is more powerful than positive affirmations, cute sayings I stick to my fridge or daydreams about a wonderful future. The Law of Attraction is based on my BS.


That's the bad news.


The good news is that I can change my BS - JUST    LIKE     THAT.


What if I was raised in a loving and caring family?


What if I adore my mother?


What if my mother and father were fabulous parents?


What if I had a really great childhood?


What if my life was filled with wonderful adventures and opportunities?


What if I was treated well by the adults in my life?


What if I grew up surrounded by love?


What if I made great choices in my relationships and my marriages?


What if I have led a truly blessed life - all my life?


The truth is, all the above is true.


Simple as that.


Could I pick out parts of my life that were less than ideal and focus on those? Sure I could. But why would I want to?


I know where I am going to focus. I have the power to tell myself any story I want and I'm going to tell myself the truth - that my life was and is fabulous.

Be Here Now

I think it takes time to learn how to live in the moment. Children know how to do it - for a short time. I think that time is being cut down as we hurry our children through childhood and imbue them with our own ambitions for them.

So living in the present is something we have to re-learn - and, let me tell you, it's no easy task. If you say it's simple, then I hail you as the next Buddha.

Even during our minimal meditation period at the end of Yoga practice, my mind chatters like a Polar Bear swimmer's teeth on New Year's Day. Concentrate on the breath - this brings me back to the present - for a minute - and then I'm off again.

But (big but) I notice I am getting better at the general idea of present time. When I screw up I let it go more easily, rather than agonizing over it. Make the mistake, own up to it, make it right (as best I can) and move on.

I spend less time worrying about the future. In fact, I'm getting pretty good at this. The now is attractive. I love my life when I live in the now. What helps enormously is being out in the beauty of nature. When I'm hiking and marveling at the beauty around me ( and quite often gasping to catch my breath) I am in the moment. No wonder hiking is my favourite thing to do!

Wisdom

Another thing about getting older - wisdom. Yes, if you're open to it and humble enough to be willing to learn, you will grow wiser as you age.

I am surprised, still, at how many people choose not to become wiser. They are so enamoured of logic and knowledge that wisdom simply seems to pass them by. Knowledge and wisdom are miles apart. Knowledge is facts and data - wisdom is what you do with them.

I also define wisdom as intuitive knowing - and that comes with years of practice, years of being open and aware and years of loving the learning process. I believe wisdom can also be defined as emotional intelligence.

We don't give enough credence or importance to that kind of wisdom because we can't measure it. For most of our history, credence has weighed on the side of the measurable and steered away from those things we can't define through logic.

I don't set myself up as a wise person. However, I do know that I have gained wisdom and continue to do so with each year. Wisdom allows me to make better judgments, even in retrospect (especially in retrospect). I did what when I was eighteen???!!!

Work You Love

I had further thoughts about yesterday's post. My intention was not to negate the importance of work - or the deep fullfilment meaningful work can bring into your life. Of course, the key word is "meaningful."

In the best of all possible worlds, everyone would discover their passion and follow it. They would do what they love and the money would follow. Why don't people? It's possible. In fact, it isn't even that difficult. The trick is, to discover the passion. Children know what their passion is - school and life often beat that knowledge out of us. It's worth the time and effort it takes to rediscover what you love doing. It's the foundation for success.

But even when your work is your passion, take time. Do more than work. Life - simple life - that should also be a passion. Life is magnificent.

In my life, I have often had the experience of work and passion aligning - not always. I know how it feels to do what you love - it's important. But oh, how easy it has been for me to lose sight of the rest of life.

The Joys of Getting Older

One of the great joys of getting older is time - suddenly there is more time for the really important things - like sitting and marveling at the sunset, or walking in the park (in the middle of the day when you "should" be working).

When I was young and heading up the career ladder, I had blinders on. Oh yes, we all knew the old saying, "No one every lay on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time working," but I'll tell you, when you want to leave your mark in the world and earn lots of money and become a partner and, and and.... what you do is dedicate your life to work.

I can remember not leaving the office for 48 hours at a time - catching catnaps under the editing bench, which was my version of a desk.

This is what I have learned (and age does beget wisdom if you keep your eyes and ears open): no matter how much you sacrifice to the company or how much loyalty you give it, you will never get it back in kind. The company's loyalty is to the bottom line. No matter how great your relationship with your boss or how much he praises you, when the chips are down, the bottom line is more important.

Don't wait to live your life. Don't make personal sacrifices for that nebulous career goal. Live, love. laugh, enjoy.

The benefit of getting older, is understanding all that and then actually acting on it. Smell the roses? Hell, I'll do more than that; I'll take time to plant them, nurture them and bring them to full bloom.

The Last Lecture (column?)

I thought today about the late Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture. If you have never seen it here's the URL (don't miss it.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

It got me thinking, what would I say if I had a "last lecture" or  what would I write if I had a "last column." ?

What came to mind was this: Don't be afraid of growing old. It beats the alternative by several million miles.

After that, I might talk about why growing older is such a wonderful, wondrous, amazing experience. And maybe, if you stay tuned, you'll get to read some of those reasons - right here....

Retirement?

Sometimes I think I have a love/hate relationship with work. Given enough idleness, I am desperate to work. When I have a pile of work waiting for me, I wish it were already done.

When I am in the process of working, time flies - I enjoy the process. When the work is done, I am overwhelmed by a deep feeling of satisfaction.

The take-home from this is simple - live in the present. I wish I could add something profound to that statement but it really is that simple.

So - this week, which appears to be fully about work and not at all about retirement, I will happily live in the present. Ah - what is that feeling seeping up into my chest. Happiness? Yes. Satisfaction? Most assuredly.

The Value of Blogs

Today I question the value of this blog. Why am I doing this? Who is reading it anyway - and if you are, don't you have anything better to do?

At about the same time I started writing this blog, I received a beautiful moleskin journal. I have always loved blank, lined pages, especially if they are contained between the covers of a sumptuous book. Oh the possibilities! The pleasure of putting actual ink to paper!

And so I began writing (in longhand no less) in this journal every day. It is here that I record my odes of thanksgiving to the universe, my hopes, my dreams, my innermost thoughts. The blog is something else altogether. What I write in my journal is meant for my eyes only.

So why write this blog? Do I have something to contribute? Maybe this will be a more worthwhile endeavour when My next book is published. I don't know.

I hiked with friends today on the Westwood Ridges - the quality of light, penetrating the green canopy of the trees and casting pools of gold on impossibly flourescent moss, was a church-like experience. I am filled with gratitude for the beauty of this planet and for a life that allows me to experience it.

And I can't sign off before I weigh in on the recent banishment of Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing" from the airwaves. My friend and I discussed it on our hike. His view was yes, words matter and we should censor slurs. My view was, leave it be. Listen to the lyrics in context. Also, the song was written a long time ago.

I suppose that, for me, it isn't far off what is going on in the United States, where they have revised Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn to replace the n word with "slave." I disagree. The book has to be read in historical context. Where does it end? Do we go back to Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice and revise?

Got to a library - you'll find hundreds and hundreds of books we can revise and censor (oops - it's called "updating" isn't it?)

And why only the Dire Straits song? What about all the gangsta rap out there? And what about the derogatory terms used for women? Should we edit, revise or censor?

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts.

James Joyce and The King's Speech

OK - I went to Chapters. I found James Joyce's Ulysses. I picked it up - I put my back out. OK - not the last bit. But it is a tome - the only word that can describe the heft and size of this book.

I read snatches of the lengthy introduction. I read bits here and there at random and - sigh - I put it back on the shelf.

I don't have the discipline to tackle it - not right now. And this is coming from a woman who, in my arrogant (humble?) opinion has a great deal of self discipline.

It's on my list for next year when I have sunk deeper into retirement and am doing about half the work I am doing now. Right now, work, yoga and French are enough (and sporadic German).

James Joyce is going to be a piece of work - in this case, in the literal sense.

On another note, The King's Speech is one of the best movies I have seen in quite some time. Geoffrey Rush, Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter all give Oscar worthy performances. In fact, it is worthy of the best picture Oscar, although The Social Network will win it. The awards become more predictable every year.

My recommendation for today? Go see The King's Speech. Ulysses? - Do it if you dare.

Friday

I love Fridays. I know they shouldn't be all that important any more. Heck, for one thing, I work at home. For another thing, it really is hard to call it "work" sometimes. Take today, for instance: two stories to write. Honestly, it doesn't take long.

Still, after forty-five years of working, (forty-five years??!! Yikes!) the TGIF philosophy is firmly ingrained - and I'm not even sure that I want to fully disengage from it. There's something delicious about the anticipation of the weekend and of doing all those traditional weekend activities like shopping for yet more books at Chapters and hiking and watching a movie and not even thinking about work.

As I sink deeper into "not-doing" I will likely save all my semi-work activities for Monday - Friday - just because I like Fridays - yes, I do.

Nothing

Some days there just isn't a lot to say.

But isn't that part of the joy of "semi-retirement" - quiet days filled with nothing much. It was a snow day - quite lovely really. Oh sure, I wrote a couple of stories. That's the joy of having a short commute - from my bedroom to the living room around the corner.

So I did the work, walked with Abby in the snow, watched Despicable Me and marveled at the sharp, exciting bursts of happiness that shot through me from time to time. Insight: I have never been happier in my life on a deep, sustained level. You know, there are tremendous benefits to getting older - as long as the "older" part only refers to physical age.

Quality part 2

Are some of us more attuned to quality than others? If so, do we demand greater quality?

That is as valid a question as, "Do some things have inherently greater quality?"

I don't pretend to know the answers.

I know that it is possible to create quality where none previously existed. Have you ever watched someone turn a barren patch of yard into a magnificent garden? Or a blank canvas into a great piece of art? Or flour eggs and sugar into a scrumptious cookie?

I believe we can also find quality in the everyday. If quality is indeed an event, we have the power to influence the experience (ours) of the event, either by altering it or experiencing it differently.

I have the power to make my life a quality life filled with quality experiences. Even a day like today, a normal ordinary day with three features to write and a French language class to attend - a winter day, chilly and filled with ice and snow, I can experience it as quality - to see the beauty in the landscape and bring my best to my writing and my studies.

And if I want to carry that thought farther, I can draw mindful breaths, as we do in yoga, and that has the effect of filling my lungs and body with quality.

Now what do you imagine I will attract into my life if I dedicate myself to creating a life of quality?

Quality

Quality. 2011 is the year of Quality.

I'll explain what I mean by that word. I use it in the sense that Robert Pirsig does in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (ZAMM). I remember the first time I read the book and came to the place where, after wrestling with the concept for months, he defines quality as an event. "It is the event at which the subject becomes aware of the object... The sun of quality does not revolve around the subjects and objects of our existence. It does not just positively illuminate them. It is not subordinate to them in any way, It has created them. They are subordinate to it."

Quality - to lead a quality life; to make, to the best of my ability, every experience a quality experience.

And that brings me right back to last summer's road trip as I was driving down toward Big Sur when I was pondering my lack of interest in having a relationship. I realized, in a blinding flash of insight, that it was little wonder, given my past relationships, that I had none. Why repeat all that unhappiness, apathy and pain? And it occurred to me, wait, what if I could create a relationship unlike any I have ever had! What if I could have one rooted in mutual love, passion, respect and friendship? Yes, I would like to have that! I would work for something like that.

I've spent the last six months trying to define what that relationship would look like. Then finally, yesterday, it hit me - I want a Quality relationship. That's it: one word - quality. I remember standing in the Museum of Modern Art in Seattle, looking at Van Gogh's Starry Night, and weeping because the experience of quality was so intense: that is what I want in my relationship: an experience of quality. Simple. Let quality be the sun that two of us revolve around.

I thought back, yesterday, to all the relationships I have had in my life because I wanted to pick out the one or the ones that I could define with the word, quality. I was surprised, but perhaps I shouldn't have been, that not one could be defined by that word.

So yes, I want a relationship unlike any I have ever had in my life - a quality relationship. This is the year for it.

It's also the year of continuing to embrace new learning and new experiences and new just about everything. So I am adding James Joyce's Ulysses to my program - it's high time I tackled that tome. I suspect an experience of quality.

OMG part 2

The dangers of blogging: N took exception to my blog - and so, no more N. Although this registered as a disappointment, I managed to straighten my spine and move on.

However, this development did lead to some introspection. Is it unethical to talk about other people, even when unidentified, in my blog? Should I ask permission first? After all, if I mention a relationship, or even a potential relationship, it is no longer just me - other people are involved. On the other hand, as a writer and sometime columnist, I know that writing about myself without involving other people or my relationships with others, makes for very dull, and indeed, unreadable material. Relationships are the stuff of life.

I've come to no conclusions. I'd love to hear others' thoughts on the subject.

In the meantime, the snow has cloaked the world in a mantel of white - stark limbs of naked trees have become intricate fairyland lace work. It's time to get people and dogs out on the trails - especially dogs. If you ever want to observe pure joy in action, just watch a dog playing in the snow.

Photos to come.

OMG

Here's the vital difference between writing a diary (you know - old fashioned - little book with real paper pages and even a lock with a tiny key - note, lock can be broken with heavy object - like tweezers, say) and writing a blog. Anyone can read a blog - the whole world can read a blog. In fact, if you write about someone with the name of - well, say N - N can actually read the blog.

Sigh.

Does this mean I have to tread carefully? Does this mean I'd better not write about N?

Of course not. Why change at this point in my life. I like N - he's funny and bold and - well, he has a certain something that attracts me. Are you reading this N?

All this of course before we have actually even spoken.

Stay tuned.

Next

Let's call him N - as opposed to M.

N for Next.

N has me very interested. Lives in the Fraser Valley and has a killer sense of humour.

Stay tuned.

Back to Work

The vacation is finally over. I have to start working again - tomorrow - um, make that tomorrow afternoon. I have to write an entire story tomorrow. Sigh

And then take the weekend off to recuperate.

Quiet Day

What an odd day - so dark I have to keep the lights on even though it's almost noon. And I am completely idle. I've spent the last hour plus finishing a rather lovely book - something I rarely do during "working hours." Clearly, it's something I'll have to get more used to.

I like being idle, but only when I'm "supposed" to be. In other words, the holidays are over - and here I am with less to do than last week. I call this "enforced idleness" and it doesn't feel as good as the, "I engineered this idleness" kind of doing nothing. I'm still not out of the work mindset. Less so - yes - but I still need and want to do some. I could make work for myself but for some reason that doesn't feel like quite the same thing.

In my work, this kind of "nothing to do" space comes and goes. I'm still not used to it. Will I ever get used to it? Yes - I'm sure I will. I'm just easing into it rather than jumping in off the high tower.

The Finkler Question

Book Review:

Let me preface this by saying that I read copious amounts of books, everything from the latest Harry Potter to (the recently re-read)  Great Gatsby, from Bill Bryson's histories and travel tomes to Carl Hiasson (a guilty pleasure). I read the Giller Prize winners and the Man Booker Prize winners and Oprah's choices - I read a lot, always have and always will. I adore books.

Which leads me to my review of Howard Jacobson's The Finkler Question, the latest winner of the Man Booker Prize. Rarely do I manage not to finish a book - so rarely that it is a noteworthy occasion. I couldn't finish The Finkler Question. I struggled with it. I persevered. I forced myself to continue to pick it up and read just a few more pages. In such a manner I managed to get three-quarters of the way through the book. I kept telling myself, "Come on now. It won the Man Booker Prize; sooner or later something is going to happen."

Nothing happened. I finally gave up and shut the covers one last time. I was curious. I went to Amazon.com to check out the reader reviews - not the critics who fawn over the prize winners regardless - journalism is dead and gone even in book reviews. (trust me - I know - I have reviewed an awful lot of books).

I couldn't say it better than a lot of the "lay" reviewers on Amazon. One mentioned that it was a book club selection that very few book club members managed to finish. I concur with these readers that it was a book Woody Allen could have written if he had lost his sense of humour and decided to people the story with characters he uniformly and thoroughly disliked. There are no characters here with redeeming qualities. And NOTHING HAPPENS! It's just plain boring.

Why did it win the prize? Because it deals with a supposedly controversial topic? Please! We could take any religious or national demographic and find existential angst about who they are and what they have done to themselves and others - Catholics could have a field day with this.

As for clever humour. A seven-year-old could do better than "D'Jew know Juno?" And that's the funniest bit in the book.

Enough of that. How about some good books? If you love dogs you cannot miss reading "A Dog's Purpose" by J. Cameron. Brilliant! Beautiful! A wonderful story!

Cool Water, the Giller Prize winner is a Canadian delight - set in the prairies and overflowing with believable and charmingly eccentric characters.

There - more to come.

Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n Roll

Got your attention with that headline, didn't I?

Well, it's not strictly an attention-getter. I actually remember the 60's - or parts of them. And here's what hardly anyone will tell you - the sixties were child's play compared to the seventies and eighties.

At any rate, I did my share of all of the above - possibly more than my share. Regrets? Nary a one. Why would I regret having such great stories to tell - and one day, I will tell those stories: from grinding up and ingesting morning glory seeds, to being the only white person in a touring R&B band. Ah yes - those were the days. Hitch-hiking to Winnipeg in the dead of winter (Winnipeg!?), crashing the art gallery openings in Montreal dressed as a cross between a real artist and the Phantom of the Opera - sleeping in an all-night laundromat, serving beer in an all-French speaking bar and getting by because - well, because I was young and female....

The reason I thought about all this was the brief discussion I had yesterday with my hiking buddy about what it's like to have a boring life. Let's face it, compared to the sixties and seventies etc., my current life is very, very boring. It's predictable. The most exciting thing I do all week is walk with my dog. My hiking buddy told me that she adores her boring life as a stay-at-home mom. And she does - and, what's more, I understand why because I love my predictable life far more than the life I led back then when I never knew where I was going to sleep or who would buy me my next meal.

There is a lot to be said for getting older, wiser, happy, joyful and at peace.

And I am.

Of course, that doesn't mean a random pebble tossed into the serene waters wouldn't be welcome. Just got contacted by a rather lovely man on the mainland.... better go check my email.

Hiking

It was an amazing day for hiking on the Westwood Ridges today. Two people - two dogs, crisp blue sky and sunshine - how blessed is that?

And just look at that view!

Happy New Year

Happy New Year, Nanaimo!

A glorious morning to walk by the ocean and absorb the beauty of this part of the world.

New Year's resolutions? Sure - why not? I have a few but I'll tell you about number one on my list. This year it's all about a relationship. Until very recently that just wasn't a priority in my life. I don't know why - it just wasn't. Now it is. But not just any relationship - I've got quite a long wish list and I refuse to settle for less.

First, he's got to make my laugh. He's got to be full of self confidence. He's got to be able to keep up with me on the trail. He's got to love dogs (and me). There has to be chemistry and there has to be genuine respect, admiration and friendship. He's got to be handsome - to me. All of that would make a good start. And the universe being what it is - an "ask and you shall receive" kind of place, I can hardly wait for all of this to manifest.