Happy!!!

I am happy!

I am deliriously, incredibly, unabashedly, just plain happy!

I have a million reasons to be happy - and today I don't even have to count each one separately - they are all present in my life right here and now.

A great gift is to be aware of happiness and joy in the now and to appreciate it fully while the joy is here.

It's said that happiness is fleeting. I disagree. I believe that happiness is our natural state and we work hard at making ourselves unhappy.

The easy way is to succumb to happiness.

Let it wash over you. Be in a state of gratitude. If for no other reason, we need to be happy because we are alive.

Slowwwwwww Monday

Slow is good right? Right?!

sigh

Not so much when the interview and story you were scheduled to do just ups and doesn't show - it then all has to crowd into later in the day or week.

Deep breath. It's all okay. I just get to have a pleasant, slow start to the week.

Meanwhile, I've been reading about German New Medicine. It's the Law of Attraction in a big way. Anyone with a serious disease - cancer, heart - well, anything at all - needs to learn about this. I need to learn more about it. From what I've read so far I'd say this makes complete sense!

Sunny Sunday

It's a sunny Sunday - really - is there anything else that needs to be said? It's the kind of warm sunshine that makes you slow down when you walk. Instead of trying to get from point a to point b, you stop and notice the sun warming the rock shelf by the river - and you pause and detour to the rock and sit - and let your body absorb the warmth.

Glorious! And now the sun is pouring in my windows. I was going to watch Good Will Hunting but that would require me to close the blinds. The movie can wait for another day.

Infatuation - oh yes!

Oh yes - I love, love, love infatuation. I don't care if it last only 24 hours - it's such a good feeling while it's here! I want to sing and dance and grin from ear to ear. (actually, I think I am doing all three).

All because of a super man who I haven't even met yet - but what a lovely person.

Who I will meet.

And to top it all off we had a fabulous hike in the Foothills today - it must have been fabulous because we even bushwhacked for 45 minutes! Three happy people and three happy puppies. Does it get any better? I think not.

(therefore I am not?)

Weekend

It's the weekend - and that's all the reason I need to be happy and to celebrate.

In case I do however, need a few more excuses: a hike with three dogs tomorrow (three dog day); the Cedar Farmers Market on Sunday - gardening on Sunday - shopping at Valhalla Pure after the hike (my favourite store next to Chapters) - oh, and I had a chat with a remarkable man today - an innovator with a huge heart and brain - what a lethal combination.

It's a good Friday afternoon!

I can See Clearly

I don't quite know what to make of this - I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Several weeks ago I had flashing lights and swirls of colour dance around my vision for about 15 minutes. A couple of days after that I noticed that my eyesight had changed significantly. I have been far sighted for ages and need glasses for driving. I could no longer see through those glasses but could see well enough to drive without them.

Still, I made an appointment at Iris to have a checkup and to get new lenses put in my frames (sunglasses and regular glasses.)

I had a thorough exam and was given two pieces of information. 1 - I have cataracts. Not a surprise - my mother has had cataracts for ages. 2 - I had gone from being far sighted to having astigmatism. So - fine - I got a new prescription. This was two weeks ago.

I got home and asked my friends about supplements  - and I checked online. A couple of days later I bought a supplement containing Lutein, Bilberry and  anthocyanidins (anti-oxidant that's supposed to be great for eyesight)

So - everything was fine. My eyes seemed fine - better actually but not anything I paid much attention to.

Today my new prescription was ready. I went to Iris and put on my new glasses - and couldn't see a thing. The woman checked the prescription - it was accurate. I could read signs and so on just fine without glasses - but with them - nothing.

So next week I see the eye doctor again to find out what the heck is going on.

I'm pleased that my eyes seem fine. But I have no idea whether this is some kind of miracle or....

What I'm most concerned about now is getting back the money I already spent (a considerable amount). But Iris seems very good that way.

Still - weird, isn't it?

Mother's Story

Okay - it's done. I've edited it and printed it out and tomorrow I'll buy a nice folder to put it in - and then I'll give it to my mother when I visit in July.

I expected more than I got - but I also got things I didn't expect. I've always considered my mother a highly self-centric person and that opinion certainly gained plenty of validation. I was surprised how many times I had to prod her to talk about external events taking place (a damn war for heaven's sakes) and to elaborate on how those events affected her. Surprisingly, unless the events impacted her directly, she tended to shrug them off.

On the other hand, I got a good, sweeping picture of her life as a young woman and I mourn for the loss of that woman - where did she go? Death by a thousand duck bites.

Another day off

I'm celebrating another day off! This is the joy of semi-retirement - those unexpected days off. And it's sunny! Yippee!

Well, I'll do some work - I am editing my mom's story - I want to get it finished and printed out this week. I also have to think about what I still need to buy for my road trip. A friend suggested a Tom-Tom. Might be a good idea, especially when I start navigating through the US.

I certainly need to make a trip to Valhalla Pure for a bear banger and another Icebreaker T-shirt. I hope those mentioned here are appreciating all the free plugs!

planning the road trip

Today I'm beginning to think about my upcoming road trip across most of Canada. Going is simple - Trans Canada Highway all the way. It's coming back where I need advice. I want to avoid all those soulless interstate umpteen-lane highways - looking instead for scenic routes. I will be crossing into the United States at Kingston (I assume there is a border crossing there) and then heading east.

From what I can see Highway 12 from Detroit to Washington State would be the way to go - with a detour to Glacier National Park and the Going to the Sun Road - and I also want to hike in the Palouse in Eastern Washington.

And I really, really want to avoid all the cities.

I welcome advice from anyone about where to go (polite advice that is :)

Spring Weekend

This is shaping up to be the perfect May long weekend. Yesterday - a day full of hiking. Today - a day filled with gardening. I weeded the blueberry patch and the strawberry beds. Sowed more lettuce seeds and sowed my pole beans and herbs.

I also visited the Cedar Farmer's Market - the best market around - well, one of the best anyway. And now I am going to read  Ape House by Sara Gruen, who wrote Water for Elephants. I'm a couple of chapters into it and it's good.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be another hiking day. Ah bliss!

It's all about attitude

Attitude is where it starts. Getting outside - no matter what the weather - that's the thing. Oh sure, it was raining this morning. It would have been so easy, after the glorious warmth and sunshine of yesterday, to say, "Nah - no hiking today. I'll wait until it's sunny again."

I would have missed so much. After all, what's a bit of water? I pulled on my rainproof pants, my Gore-tex lined boots, My rainproof shell and hat and I was ready to go.

We hit Mount Tzouhalem in Duncan and detoured off the trail (on the way to the summit) into the ecological reserve. That was worth the entire trip. Spring - garry oak meadows clothed with pink orchids, blue scilla and yellow daisies. New leaves unfurling on the oaks with the grace an dignity of a new butterfly's wings. Every shade of green ever created from the pale of the heart of a freshly cut lime to the darkest fir needles - almost ebony.

It was wonderful - even (maybe especially) the getting lost part on the myriad trails that criss cross the mountain. You know what's great about getting lost? Finding your way again. You feel like you've really accomplished something. As a nice side-effect, both J and I have very tired (and well-behaved) dogs.

Wonderful, wonderful day.

story

I've finished writing my mother's story - going over it now to edit etc. etc. It's not a "book" - just a 50 page story. But you know what? It's good! It reads well. I'm pleased with it.

Now I need to find a publisher/agent for my novel that I completed "The Abortion" - this is the part I don't like doing. I love the writing - it's the selling that I tend to shrug off and/or avoid.

Looks like this is something I will have to change my mind about. I have had one person whose opinion I trust read the manuscript. Got a great reaction. Now to soldier on with it.

Sunny Day

Just when I think I have come to fully embrace the Pacific Northwest and to love (tolerate) grey skies and rain and wind and overall dampness - just when I have everything I need (Gore-tex form head to toe) to make living in this dampness reasonable, we get a day like this. Temperatures have soared into the twenties. The sun has burst through. Birds are singing, skies are blue and the magical sensation on my bare (yes - sweaters cast aside) skin is warmth. I have flung open the doors and windows and am allowing sunshine and a gentle breeze to penetrate my fortress.

And suddenly, with the warmth, comes a slowing down of movement. I want to sit on the warm earth - better yes, lie down in it - close my eyes and absorb every ray of sun beaming down on the planet. I am willing to do nothing but drink in vitamin D. I am happy to be a sloth - to take long afternoon naps and then to sit on a deck with my bare feet on a warm, wooden railing while I watch the horses roll contentedly in the dust.

I understand the compulsion of so many to head south in the winter - to become snowbirds. Alas, that is not the life for me, but I get it - I really do. For now, I'll just glory in what we have been given - right now - today. Sun!

Money

So now that spring is here and the sun is warm and I can stop and smell the apple blossoms, my thoughts, naturally, turn to money. Specifically, I can't help but think how the government, both provincial and federal, tell us that our inflation rate is somewhere around two percent but the experience of people I know pegs it much higher. Gasoline and food prices have skyrocketed. So has the price of running your home. Notice your electricity bill lately?

My mother, who is 95 years old, still lives on her own, in her own house, in Ontario. She is on a fixed income - CPP and OAS - and that doesn't add up to a whole bunch. For the past three years she has received no increase in these payments - but let me tell you how her expenses have gone up. Ontario too has a new HST that has added considerably to her costs.

At any rate - that's the reality. Oh - did I mention that the big oil companies are getting billions in government subsidies? However, no raise in OAS?

But that's not my point - although it could be. My point is BC Hydro. Huh? yep - keep reading. As you know, the rates are going up and up and up - over 30 percent in the next few years. We are told this is solely due to the need for new infrastructure. Apparently we have very old wires swinging from post to post. And I believe that is absolutely true (or mostly true - I don't for one minute suspect that more profits might be in this mix).

So here's what I want to know. When all this infrastructure was put in place - by intelligent people I would assume, did anyone at the time calculate the life of the system and when it would need to be replaced and how to do that and how to set aside money for that? No? They thought it would last forever? Or maybe ten years or twenty years later, did anyone think, "You know, we should have a slush fund and contribute to it annually and our rates should incorporate enough so we can set money aside."

No one thought about that? Is BC Hydro saying that a manager or two woke up one day and said, "Whoa! This stuff is falling apart! Who would have thought it would ever do that? What are we going to do?"

And they had an emergency meeting and after thinking about the problem for - oh, say - two seconds, someone said, "Well, let's just raise the rates a whole lot and then we can build new infrastructure!" "Great idea!"

I wonder - once all the new poles and wires and other gizmos are in place and we've paid for them, if our rates will go back down. Or - no - maybe the rates will stay the same and the "extra" money will be put aside for future infrastructure replacements. Ya think?

How did I get Here?

It's a question I ask now and then: how did I get here? Yes, I know about anatomy and biology so I do know about how my physical body popped into the world more than sixty years ago.

What I want to know is how did I get to be more than sixty years old? It seems impossible, looking back, that I was a teen-ager full of teen-age angst and stress. But I was. And that teen-ager still lives in this body and this morning I was suddenly and completely taken aback. I am retirement age! How did that happen?

When I was sixteen, I may have known in some weird disjointed fashion that I would probably arrive at this age some day - but it was far from a reality. Given some of my adventures (more to the point - misadventures) reaching my ripe old age was sometimes very much in doubt. But here I am and today it feels strange - almost unthinkable.

I was so young, so naive, so much a blank slate - the possibilities were almost infinite. And here is the life I chose and I am who I am and it amazes me.

This is not a bad thing - not by any stretch. It's just gobsmacking. That's all.

sun

All I care about today - right now - is that sun is shafting through my windows and making my desk warm to the touch.

Soon the light will inch forward and begin to spread across my monitor, making it difficult for me to see the screen. The simple solution is to close the blinds. But - are you mad? Darken the room after so many days of grey skies? I'd rather squint for the rest of the week.

I'm beginning to feel energized. I have a sense of a new project. A sense of purpose is returning. Could it be the sunshine? Am I so shallow as to be so deeply affected by weather?

Methinks the answer might just be yup and yup.

The Colour Green

I am mad about the colour green - and this is a great time to love green. One benefit of the constant rain - green. Never have I seen green so deep, so rich, so effervescent. On a grey and rainy day, the green vibrates so strongly in the new leaves of maples and alders, in the goemetric needles of horsetail grass, in the unfurling fronds of ferns and in the mosses, grasses and shrubs of the forest understory, it is as if they are carrying their own sunshine.

I celebrate green.

Melancholy

Melancholy. It's as close an approximation I can come to the German "Weltzschmerz."

So that's how I'm feeling today - not sad and certainly not depressed - just a grey melancholy - as grey as the cloud cover that has hugged this island for so many weeks that I am beginning to wonder if blue skies ever really existed - or did we just imagine them? Skies so grey that I actually "get it" about the Twilight series being set in the Pacific Northwest because vampires really shouldn't be around sunshine. Skies so grey that I wonder at the logic of ordering two new pairs of glasses yesterday - do I really need the sunglasses?

Okay, but grey skies and a cold May are only two tiny reasons for my melancholy. I have to add into that mix the fact that I was diagnosed with cataracts yesterday and although I know it's really no biggie, I still don't like it.

And then there's the rather painful learning I am doing about myself. Two people I trust very, very much read my manuscript, "In Dog Years" and commented on the main character - none of the comments were flattering. She's goofy, silly, weak and depends too much on a man to make her happy - or at least to steer the direction of the relationship. Why would an obviously intelligent woman be like that?

Well, assuming I modeled the character after me, that takes some looking at. In my defense, the alter ego (the dog) is much more astute - hmmm - so in real life I am a failure as a woman but a success as a dog. Now I ask you, is that enough to drive anyone to the brink of Weltschmerz?

Oh - and on top of all that, I set out on an all day hike this morning and only went for two hours because my heart wasn't in it. And I hate not doing what I set out to do. Purely obsessive-compulsive.

There - that should about do it. Let me know if you think I left anything out. if I did, just shoot me with a stale pop tart.

Politics and the Law of Attraction

Okay, I take full responsibility for Harper's re-election - I even take responsibility for his majority win.

What was I thinking?! I'll tell you what! Like all other right thinking Canadians, I was thinking, "Not Harper! Anyone but Harper!" I couldn't get Harper off the brain. So guess what? We attracted that which we were focussing on - Stephen Harper. The Law of Attraction did not - and never will - hear the word "no" that preceded the words Stephen Harper.

My mistake. I should have known better.

But it's not too late. It's time to focus on what we really want. That would mean giving strong support to the opposition, making sure that our voices are heard on the issues, and concentrating on what we do want four years from now. Spend no energy on Harper at all - ignore him. Shrug him off. What do we want? Let's put all our energy there and we'll see amazing results in four years time.

Now then - if we can pass this message on to the Excited States of America.

Mother

As I'm interviewing my mother and writing her story, my main purpose seems to be to better understand her. Her memory is fantastic, especially considering that she is 95 years old. Very rarely does she have to pause and think in what order things happened. And she recalls most things in great detail.

What is interesting is how dispassionately she describes most things. Rarely does emotion enter into the picture - even when she had just given birth and couldn't get to shelter during an air raid. "How did you feel?" is a question I constantly have to ask. And she often doesn't have an answer.

And yet, I know her as an emotional woman. I just talked to her on the phone and she started crying because she'd picked up the wrong product while grocery shopping.

It's odd. It confused me too when I was growing up - her odd emotions - or perhaps I should say her odd way of showing her emotions.

I'm pressing on. I want to learn something here - something not only about her but about myself.

The Bright Side

Today I am looking at the sunny (ha!) side of weather.

It's cool and it's raining - wonderful! I don't have to water my newly sown lettuce seeds or the tiny seedlings that have already come up.

Rain? Excellent! I don't have to feel guilty for being indoors working rather than outdoors walking or hiking or soaking up sun.

Rain is wonderful. It allows me to wear my warm, waterproof clothing when I have to go outside thus saving my more summery clothes from wear and tear.

Cloudy overcast skies save my skin from wrinkles and sun damage. Not enough vitamin D? No problem - I'll just pop a couple of pills!

Ya gotta love the benefits of rain.

another cold and rainy day

I don't want to complain - and for good reasons.

First, no one really wants to read about or listen to my petty whining.

Second, complaining about the weather (and that, dear readers is the issue at hand) never, ever changed it - not that I know of. Maybe if Thor complained to Odin, he could do something but I don't have that kind of pull.

I should just be happy that it's spring and the days are getting progressively longer and it's staggeringly green out there and flowers are blooming and birds are singing.

But I really do want to wake up one morning soon to sunshine - not one more oppressively grey sky.

I want to want to go out for a walk with Abby in the morning - not force myself to. And then, when I do go out, I want to do it without pulling a toque over my head, without putting on my warm waterproof jacket, without putting on gloves and without pulling on my heavy wool socks before sticking my feet into gum boots.

Okay - that's my whine. I live in the Pacific Northwest - in a rain forest for heaven's sakes. Deal with it!

Mother's Day

On mother's day I reflect on my mother - now there's a revolutionary thought!

I can't begin to imagine the influence she has had on me, although later this year I plan on a writing project that will help me imagine it more accurately. In the meantime, I know I could very easily get negative about her, And I won't

Two things that I know about my mother and for which I am incredibly grateful. My mother is generous and she loves me unconditionally.

Those two things alone make her a terrific mother.

And I also know that even when she was screwing up mightily, she was doing the best she could at the time. Not once - not ever - did she stop loving me. And there were a couple of years there where I was not very loveable or even likeable.

Delayed Spring

It would be so easy to complain about the coldest, wettest April on record - and then mutter something about May following heartily in April's footsteps. I could almost justifiably complain about the hail this morning and the forecast of snow overnight.

But instead let me say that I took two hikes today - one on the Morden Colliery trail this morning and Cable Bay trail this afternoon. The greens of the new leaves and moss and grasses were so bright, it was like they were generating their own sunshine. Even in the rain - exquisite beauty.

What is important and to be celebrated is what is right now - not what I think "should be."

What is, is a long, green, verdant prodigal spring.

Letting go of everything except now. I may not be very good at it yet, but at least I'm making a start.

3 Cups of Tea

All right - I really have to speak up about this. I just read that two Montana legislators are suing Greg Mortensen, of Three Cups of Tea fame, because they bought his book and contributed to his charity.

What??????

Sorry - this piece of news just takes my breath away. True, the book compressed some facts to make it a better, more coherent story. As a writer, I can understand this completely. The fact is, that the essence of what he does and has done is true. Girls in Pakistan are getting an education because of him.

Now then - we have this huge outcry about a guy who is doing his best to do some good in the world - and people are suing him.

How come no one has sued the bankers who took billions of dollars from an unsuspecting public? Where are the lawsuits? Where is the outcry over their obscene bonuses? Or the bonuses for BP execs after their massive oil spill?

No - it's easier to go after a charity - no big corporate lawyers to battle.

Shame on you, legislators.

Day off

There's something wonderfully decadent and satisfying about a day off in the middle of the week - so today has been delightful. Except for the part where I took Abby for a walk at Colliery Dam this morning at the off-leash area where a couple of guys were fishing. One had caught a nice big trout and laid it on the ground. Big mistake. Abby had it in a heartbeat.

So I hustle her away with many apologies and she's on to the next fisherman who has a jar of salmon roe bait beside him - yup - she got that too.

Payback this afternoon - good old fate - one of the new horses got into my raspberries - it took half a bag of carrots to get him out. (stick didn't work at all). I am philosophically telling myself that my raspberries needed pruning - lots of pruning.

So I was thinking that maybe I'll stay semi-retired at the level I am now rather than take on even less work. Life is good. Maybe this is just the right amount of work for me.

Might just be.

Happy Day!

Okay - one more puppy photo - the reason? Today is a happy day!

It's often (usually) the simplest things that make me dance inside. I had a doctor's appointment today. His office called me last week. And here's the thing - I figure it's never a good sign when a doctor wants an appointment with you rather than the other way around.

Happily, this new doctor just wanted to give me the good news that the biopsy was clean.

Very, very happy! I didn't even realize that I'd been feeling a tad stressed until I experienced the good feeling of wanting to dance in the streets after that news.

Good news came pouring in on top of that - funny how happiness attracts more happiness, isn't it? I have a bunch of unexpected expenses and the money for them appeared - just like that! More than enough in fact.

So - it's not just a good day - it's a great day!

The best part is knowing I created these results. They didn't just "happen." I am so f&**ing powerful!

post vote thoughts

Needed another puppy picture today.

Here is some information to make you think - specifically about the need for election reform. This is from Wikileaks:

• Quebec voters contributed 36% of the total votes cast for the NDP across Canada, but Quebec MPs will comprise 57% of the NDP's national caucus.
• The Bloc Quebecois seats were reduced by almost 92%. While almost 1 in 4 Quebecois voted BQ, only 1 in 20 of Quebec's MPs are BQ. (Previously the Bloc always won far more seats than their vote percentage would indicate.)
• In Ontario, the Conservatives increased their share of the vote by 5% but saw their share of the seats grow by 20%.
• The NDP increased their share of the vote in Manitoba, but their number of seats was cut in half.
• The NDP won almost a third of the votes in Saskatchewan without winning a single seat.

So the problem here is that we don't have proportional representation. We have a majority Harper government but he did not get a majority of the votes.

Well - rather than mope about it - I mean, what's the point? - we need to gird our loins and be delighted that the NDP are the opposition. We need to support them in any way we can... and do the best with the hand we've been dealt.

As in life, so in politics - it's not the hand you've been dealt, it's how you play the hand.

May 2

What to say today?

First of all, I felt that the day needed a picture of a puppy - so here's Abby at 8 weeks old. It seems so long/short ago. Today she's a big 70-pound dog, chewing on a raw marrow bone out on the deck.

Yesterday they killed Osama Bin Laden. That's the big news - it almost overshadows the election.

As Michael Moore said, "Can we now carry shampoo on the plane? Can we keep our shoes on? Can we not be groped any more?"

Of course, the fear mongers (war mongers, FOX news, far right wing, etc.) have already - minutes after the announcement - said, "Uh-oh - watch out for retaliation."

Come on people, give us a break. Stop it! You can you know. You can change your mind in a heartbeat and just stop. You can start smiling. You can start feeling hope and joy. Yes you can - you just have to decide to.

Back to the election. I will head to my polling station this afternoon. Polling Station - hmmm - sounds like a place I bring my Herefords to have them de-horned. Nevertheless, I shall go, sans bull and subsequently sans BS - and cast my vote. Then I shall subversively troll Twitter and FB to find election results in Eastern Canada before the polls close. I just have this irresistible urge to break the law - just to see what happens.

Oh Canada! (sigh)

May Day

May Day!

May Day occurs on May 1 and refers to several public holidays. In many countries, May Day is synonymous with International Workers' Day, or Labour Day, a day of political demonstrations and celebrations organised bycommunists, anarchists, socialists, and activist groups. 


So it's little wonder that my thoughts turn to politics - that and the fact that we go to the polls tomorrow. If you still wonder about the Conservative, you may want to read this:

http://members.shaw.ca/rick.borchert/TheHarperConservativeTrackRecord.htm

Please keep in mind that Harper's party is far right - as far right as the Republicans in the Excited States of America - let's make sure we get a Canadian government - one that reflects the will of the people!

Most important, Vote - this is our great privilege in this country - people die for this privilege in other countries.

Vote!

Make your voice heard.