profound thoughts - NOT

I woke up with profound thoughts and I thought, "Excellent - I will share these on my blog and won't everyone be madly impressed!"

Then Ocean came to stay for today and tomorrow and chaos ensued and the only thought I have left is, "I wonder if they'll settle down enough so that I can have a nap after lunch?"

Hey - I'll take any thoughts I can get at this point. Fur is flying everywhere.

On another note - if you love good books, buy The Paris Wife - one of the best I've read in a long time. It's a biographical novel of Hemingway's first wife. Lyrically written. Worth every penny you spend on it.

Okay - that's it for today. Need to take the dogs for a long hike this afternoon and somehow must also fit in watching American Idol on YouTube - pretty profound, huh?

The Mother Project

Writing my mother's story - an interesting experience. She has told us bits and pieces over the years but it paints a very different picture when I put it all together.

I feel that I should be looking for explanations as I listen and then, write - why she is the way she is and why she feels the way she does. And I'm not doing that. I'm paying attention to the story - and I'm writing it to make it cohesive and interesting. So far so good. We're just getting to the good stuff now.

It's a shame I didn't do this with my father. But even if I could have, Willi wasn't a talker. Heidi is the talker. With any luck she'll have enough stories about my father that I'll be able to flesh out some of those details.

I remember asking my father about the war - the tiniest items were all I could ever get from him. I think it's those war years that interest me most - and, yes, we're getting there.

Spring

It's spring!

Frogs are croaking at dusk!

Birds are singing in the dawn.

Stinging nettles are on the attack.

Horses are shedding their blankets

I have shed my toque

I switched from flannel back to 800 thread count cotton sheets.

Summer vacation actually is feeling like a possibility.

And I am contemplating spring X-country at Mount Washington - contemplating and anticipating. Have you seen the hunky (older) men who hang out in the Nordic Lodge?

The Slow Road

I'm taking the slow road. For once in my life (and trust me, it's about time) I am not rushing into a relationship - nor am I compromising and hurrying things along just because "he" wants to.

I have found a special man. I like him - a lot. We share so much including the most important thing of all - shared values.

We had a lovely day: a vigorous hike, a good meal, terrific conversation - but am I ready for the intimacy of a sleepover? Not now. Not yet. This time I am listening to me - the real inner part and I'm expressing the honesty of what I feel.

How wonderful is this man? He is willing to engage - to talk, to learn, to listen - and to agree to see what develops.

Chaos

The chaos is currently contained to my deck - but for how much longer?

J. dropped Ocean off about an hour ago. So far I have kept them amused with marrow bones. They're just about done.

Soon I will have to open the door - and that means two whirling dervishes exploding into the house. The best strategy is surrender. It's going to be crazy. So be it.

I plan to take them to Cable Bay this afternoon where they can run like mad for almost two hours - then a five-hour hike tomorrow morning before returning Ocean home.

Whew!

Oh - did I mention that the man is coming on the hike - and that we're having dinner afterwards? I didn't? How remiss of me!

Snowshoeing

I can check another one off my bucket list. Today I went snowshoeing for the first time - complete with friends and dogs - and a good time was had by all, especially by the dogs and J and I. In fact, we were so enthusiastic that we decided to get to those end of season sales and buy snowshoes!

Good exercise? You bet - going uphill on snowshoes gets the heat pumping double and triple time.

Next - cross-country skiing.

First Impressions

I have a news flash for every business person out there. Here's the deal: every person counts. Every contact you make counts. A contact can help your business or not - the choice is yours.

Let me explain. I can't count the number of times I set up an interview and call at the set time and the person just isn't there. In other words - I got stood up. Not even a phone call to let me know there has to be a change of plans.

But it doesn't matter, right? I'm just the reporter.

Yup - I am just the reporter and the next time someone in my surprisingly large network asks me where he or she should go to buy widgets, do you think I'm going to recommend the widget maker that stood me up? Even if he is  a great widget maker, I won't do it. And not because I'm trying to get revenge. It's because I know that the way I do one thing is how I do everything.

I know that the person who isn't courteous enough to be there on time with me, won't keep his word with customers either. I know that the person who won't call me to tell me he has to postpone, won't call his customers either.

It's called poor service and I won't send a contact to a widget maker with poor service.

I'm just surprised how many of those "poor service" businesses there are out there. If they're not doing as well as they would like to, they may want to point the finger at their own noses and ask why?

Time Off

Time off or time out - I don't care what you call it but I'm happy to grab it while the grabbing's good. I can see how a retired person could get so busy that he or she wonders how they ever found time to work.

Promise to self - that will never be me.

So, with an hour of so of free time before lunch, I'm going to read "Inside of a Dog" - I'm barely into it and already finding it extremely well written and totally fascinating.

Hiking all set for Saturday - need to keep Abby and Ocean busy on Friday and Saturday - it's like having two toddlers in the house. Remember - a tired dog is a good dog. Oh yes, I also have a date! For once, the weekend is coming almost too quickly.

Making Plans

Plans - so many plans - so much to do - and yes, there is enough time. One lesson I will never forget: There is always enough time energy and money for what is truly most important to me.

Conversely, if I want to know what my priorities are, all I have to do is look at where I am spending my time, energy and money.

Here's where I plan to spend it in the coming week. Possibly snowshoeing with dogs at Mount Washington on Thursday. Absolutely, definitely taking care of Ocean Friday and Saturday and doing lots of hikes to keep both Ocean and Abby tired. One of those hike will include Maple Mountain again with the new man - and dinner afterwards and lots more talking and more, um....

Reading - lots of reading. Dying to finish my current book and start "Inside of a Dog."

Going to sign up for hip hop classes.

Oh yes, - I will also be working.

So what do you think is most important to me?

Special day

It was a special day for more than one reason. First, we had an epic hike that involved the roughest, steepest, most unmarked trail I have ever come across. We had to bushwhack more than once and really, miraculously, found the trail again both times. What was wonderful was finding a garry oak meadow with a stream and a magnificent view that we would never have come across on the trail. Could we ever find this heavenly spot again? I doubt it?

It was special also because a special new friend (as of a first date yesterday) came along. I doubt that J and I could have completed the hike without him. More importantly, he's an amazing person. This might be the start of something lovely.

Books

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx.

Which is my way of saying that after my most recent trip to Chapters (this morning) I feel fully prepared for any disaster that might strike. I even bought a book titled (wait for it) "Inside a Dog." Well, when you love dogs as much as I do, how can you not read about them too?

And yes, I also have a stock of Kelp powder and potassium iodide tablets - I'm not taking them - they just kind of feel like a part of a first aid kit - in today's world.

But the books - they're crucial. I read in the newspaper this morning that electronic readers may, in the long term, lead to greater illiteracy, because of the affordability  of books. Books traditionally are passed to other people - lent to friends, taken to second hand stores - they last a long, long time. Some are read by dozens and dozens of people. Electronic readers, if they really replace books completely, will affect they way we read in ways that may not be so good.

I love books. I actually like having all my flat surfaces covered with books. I love being able to pass a good book on to a friend - and I like packaging up a dozen books at a time four or five times a year and sending them to my mother - those books are a highlight of her life. She doesn't own a dog so she does all her reading outside of a dog.

Life and Death and the Whole Damn Thing

There was a movie of that title once - a long time ago. As I recall, I was probably in my thirties when I saw it, so it was back around the time of the industrial revolution. It starred Maggie Smith. It was wonderful - a lesson in facing our mortality - and doing it with verve and joy. Going out kicking and dancing rather than whimpering.

This has been a good week for looking at mortality. Death is the greatest event in our lives after birth - and we are so afraid of it. I wonder if fetuses (feti?) are afraid of birth.

I don't think I'm afraid of death - I do fear pain. I feel sorrow about losing the beauty of the planet and the people and critters (Abby) that I love. At the same time, I know that I won't really lose them, but that's pure intellectual knowledge - it's not really deep in my gut - yet. And I do say "yet" advisedly. I hope to have enough experiences to bring that understanding into my heart.

I think my greatest sorrow this week has been for the children, the animals, the babies - my heart always breaks for the innocent.

Please, please, please let us learn from this. Please let us take responsibility for this magical planet - harvest power from the sun, the wind, the oceans - it's all there for us. Let us plan forward for seven generations - for a better planet seven generations from now.

Crazy Day

Crazy day indeed! It sure didn't look anything like retirement. But then, I suppose even people who do nothing but put their feet up and play with the remote have days like this.

Lots of work. Lots of stocking up on food and bottled water and other essentials like - um - bubble bath, dog treats and good rye bread - hey, these are my essentials!

In that mix were prayers for the world and praises for the world and an oddly comforting sense of peace - a belief in the power of the universe that will make it right - somehow, someway. I have faith.

And - wait for it - why is it that all these promising contestants on American Idol have become so bland?

This is Retirement?!

Okay - I'm busy - the rest of this week and all of next - at the very least, are going to be very busy. And it's not just about work either. I'm spending far too much time monitoring the Japan situation - and talking to friends who are equally, if not more, concerned than I am.

Oddly enough though, today I feel full of hope. I walked with Abby through the park, where leaves are bursting out on the shrubs and the air was warm and smelled of living things awakening in the soil. The trumpeter swans have begun their return journey to the northern tundra. The frogs have begun their nighttime lullaby.

This earth is painfully beautiful. I am blessed to wake up here every day.

This fragile planet

I love this beautiful planet and my heart aches today for the transitory nature of the miraculous life on it. The disaster and disaster-in-the-making in Japan has placed an ache in my heart - for the people and for all the life that has been and is being affected.

Today I went out looking for iodine - there's none to be had. I did get spirulina and there will be dulse available later this week. I don't know if I will need it or, if I do need it, if it will help. I'm giving it to Abby too. Given how interconnected we are on this planet - and how far the jet stream carries, I don't know how much we really can do.

We do our best. We set a strong, positive intention - we care about and help others. What else is there to do? We live each day and bless each day we are alive.

Blessings on us all.

A New Project

Thanks To Diane S. and her inspired suggestion, I have a new project that I started today! My mother is 95 years old. She was born during the First World War in Germany and lived through the Second World War - much of it in Berlin - much of it through fierce fighting - with a young child and a baby. She barely escaped the Russians, who were doing horrifying things to the Germans as they advanced west - and then, began a new life in Canada with pretty well nothing but the clothes on her back.

Now that is an interesting story to tell. It's interesting on several levels: not only as a story, but as a story that matters to me personally. Happily, my mother has an excellent memory and can talk a blue streak.

So - today we had our first session. This is going to be good!

rain

Epic rain. It takes a lot to stop me from going up the mountain - any mountain. Today's rain did it. It's sheeting down. So instead of Maple Mountain we did two hours on Cable Bay. Usually the parking lot at Cable Bay would be packed on a Sunday morning, Today, J and I and the dogs were the only ones there. By the time we got back, we were dripping. Thank goodness for Gore-Tex.

Now, I'm inside and snug and I've had a delicious nap and I know I have to go out briefly with Abby once more today - sigh - is there a dog walking service anywhere out there?

I have nothing to do today. And I want to know why it is that Sunday's with nothing to do feel so right and so lovely but a Monday or a Tuesday with nothing to do feels so "wrong." I want to know how long it's going to take until all the days of the week are equal in my mind. They are in nature's mind - I'm just conditioned to think they're different. Time to uncondition - slowly though - we don't want to upset the system too quickly.

The Middle Class

But enough about me. Today, there are myriad situations grabbing at and pleading for my attention - the disaster in Japan, the bloodshed in Libya, the revolution in the Middle East, starvation and genocide in Africa - I could make a pretty big list.

But what has my ear at the moment is Wisconsin where the middle class is fighting back. In a strange way I think the new Governor of the state (Walker) was a bit of a blessing. He brazenly and openly brought to light the war that has been fought underground for some time now - the war of the super rich against the middle class. The super rich, not elected governments, control the world. Walker and his henchmen - and his supporters and sponsors like the super rich Koch brothers - are doing their best to destroy the unions, the very foundation of the middle class.

No unions? Then perhaps we can all go back to six day work weeks and child labour. The good jobs are rapidly disappearing - outsourced to developing countries where the super rich multi national corporations can pay 50 cents or less per hour and not worry about benefits.

I can only hope that the massive rally taking place right now in Wisconsin actually makes a difference. Make no mistake, Harper is cut from the same cloth. It's not the Canadian government any more, it's the Harper government. The rich behemoths that are destroying northern Alberta and beyond are getting government subsidies - while you and I bear the tax burden.

The only thing that can change any of this is me and thee - just like the only thing that was able to change the tyrannical government in Egypt was the people - just like the only ones who could tear down the Berlin Wall were the people - if we want our freedoms and our democracy - if we want to rule ourselves and elect people with our interests in mind, then it is up to us - we have to make our voices heard - hurrah people of Wisconsin - thank you for showing us the way!

Skiing

Well! I did it! My first experience of skiing. I liked it! There were times it was fun instead of hard work. Interestingly, it wasn't quite as much fun as I thought it would be. But - the great thing about this is that it's just a start. I am going to try X-country next. I have a suspicion that that's where I'm really going to shine.

So what was it like? Well, I fell once or twice - not much - at least not on the skiing part. Although, sad to say, the one time I fell - not at all badly - I twisted my knee (my bum knee) and it's giving me some trouble today. But, oh well, time will heal it.

Where I fell with some consistency was on the lifts. Let's see now - I fell off the rope tow. (really? - yes - ahem - really). I fell twice off the T-bar. I fell coming off the chair lift.

What I learned is that the hardest part of skiing is the non-skiing bit. Besides the lifts, there was the getting my boots in the bindings part (not enough weight on me to get that boot to snap in) and putting the darn boots on and taking them off - holy heck - they're medieval torture devices! The actual skiing was relatively easy.

I get to tick that off my bucket list. Next trip up I'll be at the X-country lodge!

Footnote - never too old to learn? Never too old to teach either. My instructor was 81! And. boy, was he ever good!

Fear

Sometimes I'm afraid. I watch or listen to the news or I check out FB postings - and there's a lot to be fearful of. The latest is that someone (a mega pharma company of course) has engineered rice with human DNA in it and plans to grow it. What could possibly go wrong?

I don't want to eat rice designed to affect how my digestive system works. And we know these plants will migrate.

It's safe - sure - we've heard that before.

Gas prices are soaring, food prices are up, hydro bills are due to increase by 50 percent. Our earnings can't keep up.

War everywhere. A conservative government that doesn't care about me or thee or about the environment. A world ruled by billionaires and multi national corporations that care about nothing but their bottom line.

These are some of the tidbits I am bombarded with every day - and I try not to be afraid. I turn away and count my blessings and live my life - I fill it with the best experiences that I can.

And I try to stave off the fears. Some days I am more successful than others. I keep in mind the Law of Attraction - find the good in everything, praise this beautiful planet - love the people...

It's just that some days I have to work harder at finding the silver lining.

Know the Truth

I think one of our "jobs" on earth is to find out who we are - to discover the truth about ourselves and to live in integrity with that truth. I suppose that is what we call "authenticity."

I'm not sure it matters how we go about making these discoveries. It just matters that we do it. The greatest gift anyone has to offer is the gift of simply being who they are. When someone shows up who is honest and true and authentic without apology, my experience elevates - I glow - I take away something important from that experience. I am inspired to more closely be who I am.

When I am who I am (or as Popeye would say, "when I yam what I yam") then it follows naturally that everything I do aligns and I begin to fulfill my purpose - even, oddly enough, if I am not clear on my purpose; what I do will reflect it. And then all the abundance the earth has to offer is mine.

These are big ideas. They also translate into little everyday acts. I have discovered, over a long period of time, that two things give me great peace when peace is what I need: a walk in nature and a bubble bath. So, on my best days, I go for a hike up a mountain and come home to a bubble bath.

This relates to other things I have tried that are "supposed" to bring me peace - meditation, yoga, gurus.... tried them, been there, done that. Today's yoga class may have been good for my body but I just didn't like it one bit. Boring. Gurus? They're just people telling me that what works for them should work for me. Meditation? Walking meditation and bubble meditation work for me - but mostly, the walking - gazing out over mountains is a holy experience for me. And I'm not about to say that my way is the way for anyone else.

A Project

I need a project - not just any project, mind you. I need a writing project - something I can really sink my teeth into.

I know that there are some people out there who retire and put their feet up and pick up the remote and that's that. I get itchy just sitting around for one morning (this morning for instance - it's a slow week).

So - this is a message to the universe - I need a writing project that's madly creative and absorbing and fascinating and even, dare I say it - important.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the genesis for this project will come from within. The inspiration will likely come from within as well (darn) - I need to be open to the voice that tells me what it is.

Okay, inspiration - I'm ready for you to strike!

excited

It's official: I am going to learn to ski on Thursday! And I am so excited. I don't fully understand where all the excitement comes from. I suspect most of it is because I am finally going to do something I have always wanted to do. I also suspect it's because it's something new - something I have never done before. I love newness. I love change! (which I suspect makes me substantially different from many people, especially in my age demographic.)

I want to keep growing and learning and having new adventures all my life.

I should have at least one great adventure each year.

And one interesting trip each year.

And one completely new learning experience each year.

And I should make one significant contribution to the planet each year.

I should be overwhelmed by love at least once each year.

I should laugh so hard at least once each year that I barely miss peeing my pants.

I think that's a good start for a rich, long life.

This week I get to have an adventure and do something brand new!

Never too old

I'm going to learn to ski! At last!

Why have I waited this long, you may ask?

I suppose the law of attraction finally heard me say (today) that I want to learn to ski and answered and said - yes, this week - Mount Washington - lessons! Hurrah.

We hiked today on the ridges - who knew we were walking into a two foot depth of virgin snow. Certainly not I. But what fun - especially on the downward slope - flung myself over the edge - fun! The dogs - re-united after Ocean was away for six weeks, had an even better time than we did.

You're never too old to learn any new trick - even skiing.

Oh Joy!

It really doesn't take much to make me happy. The best things in life are free? Yeah, I'd say - except books. At any rate, today's simple happiness - the joy of not working - walking with Abby this afternoon and then off to Chapters - that's big time happiness!

A hike tomorrow with my friend who is finally back from a six-week vacation - and that means Abby's best friend is back too! How good is that?

Great Day

What made this such a great day? Other than some great walks with Abby? Well spring is here; every day I watch the willow bushes green up farther and open their leaves.

But what really makes this a great day is that I didn't work today and didn't worry about it - I finally got it - I don't have to work.... the need is no longer there. I can just work because I want to and because it gives me satisfaction.

Quitting

I'm a quitter - and I'm proud of it. And I'm not even talking about something noble like quitting smoking. I quite French lessons - yesterday was my last. I am skipping yoga tonight for no better reason than I don't feel like going and it makes me happier to stay at home rather than go. I will likely quit that too.

My brother has, in the past, accused me of getting bored and just quitting whatever I'm no longer excited by. My answer to that accusation? "Uh - yes."

Yes I do, in some cases, have the attention span of a house fly - and I used to think that was a bad thing. I don't even feel vaguely guilty about that any more - because I know that when something really grabs me, I'm in it for keeps. Out of every 100 books I read, I may put one aside without finishing it - and only then after giving it a very valiant effort. I have rarely not persisted to the top of the mountain, no matter how tough the climb or how bad the weather.

But here's the thing. If it makes me happier to not do something than to do it, I'll go with happier and to hell with the supposed virtue or doing a thing just because I "should." French was fun but you know, I'm not about to use the knowledge in the near future. Yoga? It's a good idea - but it feels like a should - and it doesn't hold my attention. This isn't the first time I've given organized exercise a shot - but it's so booooring. (for me)

So now, instead of trundling off to yoga, I'm going to curl up on the couch with a really good book "The Things That Keep Us Here," and I'm going to feel really good about it.

The Rush

Okay, I admit it, I love the challenge and the adrenaline rush of the (ahem) rush job. I don't want to admit it - I do it with a certain amount of regret - but it feels wonderful to tackle it and get it done.

This does not apply to all rush jobs - there are those that are so humdrum and just, I don't know, uninteresting. If I'm going to jump in, I want to be fully engaged. Which brings me to the rush job I just finished - totally engaging - bring me more of this kind of stuff - politics I can believe in!

In other words, I'd vote for Bill McKay if I could - but I can't because I live in Cedar.

Back to rush jobs and adrenaline - I think I will never retire 100 percent, but I'be probably said that before. Sometimes work is just way too much fun.