television and poetry

YouTube is television for people (like me) who don't watch television. I spent a good part of this morning watching the X Factor auditions.

I am so hooked! I love (adore) Simon Cowell. I like all the judges. Most of all, I am in awe of the talented individuals who have the vision and courage to get up in front of the judges and audience and lay it all on the line. Incredible vulnerability. For me, a morning of X Factor means more than one tissue - really. Humans can be so miraculous. I love people at their best.

As I was drifting into a nap after lunch a poem almost fully formed came to mind. Perhaps I will try to recall it later today. I do remember the last bit:

Safe harbours are for other ships
not one with spinnaker hoisted
pregnant with the wind.

Time to take Abby for a rainy day walk.

I love Fridays.

New me

Well of course, it's not really a new me - it's the same old me with short (really short) hair.

I love this new look - my "senior" look - meaning, no muss and no fuss. Gosh, when I was 30, I would get up in the morning, get out of the shower, carefully select the day's "look" from my designer wardrobe that I spent a fortune on and then stand in front of the mirror for another 30 minutes blow drying and styling my hair and artfully applying layers of very expensive makeup so as to not look "made up."

Now here I am when you would think I actually need to spend all that time getting myself ready to appear before my adoring public and I step out of the shower, run a dab of styling cream into my hair, slap some moisturizer (the cheap kind) on my face, climb into yesterday's clothes (T-shirt etc.) and that's it.

The wonderful thing about getting older - going with the beauty that is you.

Or as Anthony Robbins once said - men don't wear makeup. Why is that? Because they're inherently more beautiful? I don't think so.

So there's one more thing I no longer have to be enslaved to.

short work weeks

Will I ever get tired of this? - Of finishing work at noon on Wednesday and taking the rest of the week off? Ever?

I doubt it. I truly understand now when people say that the most precious commodity is time, not money; I understand workers who negotiate more time off rather than a big, fat raise. (of course both at the same time would be nice too.)

And so on this gorgeous sunny afternoon I took Abby for a nice long walk and came home to pick late ripening raspberries. Ahhhh.....

A further note on spiders. A couple of days ago I was eating some raspberries after dinner, gazing at my computer screen and not the bowl I was fishing them out of. Suddenly I bit into something that didn't feel or taste quite right. I peeled the "something" out of my mouth. Yes, it was a small garden spider, still alive but rather mutilated. I couldn't decide whether I was more grossed out or more sad for the poor little spider.

I consigned the spider to the compost bin and the rest of the raspberries to Abby.

Spiders

I like spiders. I also worry about spiders. This morning the world was covered with spider webs. How, I wonder, are they all going to trap enough insects so that they have enough to eat?

Sometimes I find little spiders in my house. I let them be. As long as they are not building visible webs, I don't mind having spider pets. I rationalize that they must be eating other bugs that I really don't want in my house.

I admire their industry and their persistence. You can knock down a spider's web and it will build one right back up again. There's a lesson there I think. And the dew-covered webs are pretty to boot.

Rain

The rain - can you hear the rain? In a half-doze I listened to it last night, pounding on the roof, knocking on my windows as though it was asking for permission to come in. And the wind - it is driving the rain against the walls, bending the raspberry canes in the garden so low they almost kiss the ground.

Yes, the rains are back. Oh, I know we'll get some more gloriously sunny days filled with warmth, but this relentless downpour is not a summer shower; this is the beginning of the wet season on the West Coast.

This morning when I took Abby for a walk I pulled on my rain pants and jacket, pulled the hood up, slipped into high rubber boots and pulled on wool gloves - and so it has begun.

This is the season of downloading more movies, of walking through the park more quickly with head bent, of curling up in the warmth of my little home and wishing I could hibernate. But I can't: I have a dog that needs to go out and that wants to hike all year round. So I have to thank Abby for keeping me in shape and full of energy and fresh air. I may not want to go out when I'm warm and comfy indoors but once I'm out there, I'm glad.

The Market

Even on a rainy Sunday morning, nothing beats the Cedar Farmer's Market. Today I scored 2.5 pounds of chanterelles, sourdough artisan bread, fresh eggs, organic tomatoes and carrots, newly dug potatoes and a huge stalk of brussel sprouts.

Dinner tonight? Ah - my once a year treat. All (yes all) of those chanterelles will go into two cast iron skillets with lots (lots) of sweet butter. When they're done, they go onto a huge plate and are served with generous slabs of buttered bread. Ahhhhhh - bliss!

Yup - that kinda makes my day. Oh yes - now I am going to play The Secret of Grisly Manor - you had to know I was going to succumb to a free Google app (namely game) sooner or later. I am proud to say that in my case it was sooner - I do so like to be on the leading edge.

Small Pleasures

I call them small pleasures - but are they really?

Today I had the pleasure of hiking with Abby over the top of Maple Mountain and coming down the other side. It was a full, glorious, sunny day. Oh the pleasure of feeling my body strong and sure, moving rhythmically up the tree-studded slopes; oh the pleasure of discovering sun flooded moss-carpeted forest glades; oh the delight of pausing at the top to breath in the views stretching to the Olympic Mountains in the south - and then the long, slow descent, knowing all the while that at the end of the hike is a reward of rich, dark organic chocolate. Yup - we have to have our rewards.

And there are more rewards - a nap and then uploading all the photos and playing with them in Photoshop - and a hot bubble bath and then an evening of reading and playing online bridge while eating a meal of rice and broccoli and carrots followed by fresh, ripe peaches.

Yes, they are small pleasures but I savour each one, tasting it, letting it melt into my senses.

Who needs big when small is so very good?

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, yes, yes - I love getting older. I love hitting the grand age of 65! Sixty-five means more freedom, more fun, more doing things I want to do, more road trips - heck, more trips, period!

I love this day once a year when I get a chance to unabashedly celebrate me! Even the sun came out to help me celebrate. This afternoon Abby and I are going to hike in the Foothills and then I'm going to Chapters to treat myself to all the books I want - don't care if its 20 or 30 - pile 'em on!

And tomorrow Abby and I are off on an all day hike over the top of Maple Mountain. What fun! I mean really, can it get any better?

Rainy Day Off

It's rainy, windy - even blustery. And I've done my shopping and I'm warm and cozy at home with nothing to do but enjoy a day of doing nothing.

I realize that days like this are rare for most people - a luxury. But I also think that days of doing nothing are necessary for well being. When we have a chance to be alone and to have nothing at all on the schedule, we recharge and feed our souls.

We are so busy and so inundated with noise and messages screaming for our attention that many of us have forgotten how to simply drop out. Some people are even intensely uncomfortable with being alone. They equate the experience with being lonely. Alone is a glorious place to be - a place of intense peace.

If we allow that peace to come in.

Hmmm - maybe a bubble bath later today.

Really Long Weekend

I was talking to my mother this morning. She also retired when she was 65 - but totally, not partially like me. (on the other hand, I'm a writer and I suppose writers never totally retire).

At any rate she told me for the umpteenth time that when she turned 65 she started the best years of her life. She and my father took long vacations - road trips across the country, trips to Europe, etc. They also developed quite a social life and became champion lawn bowlers.

I had a hard time believing this whole "best time of my life" thing when I was younger. Now I get it - completely. Of course it's the best. It's the time when you can stop doing the things you have to do and start doing the things you genuinely want to do.

If you want to get existential about it, you are always at every age doing what you want to do because you are the pilot of your life etc. etc.

But today I don't particularly feel like going that route - so there! Today, I have one more story to write and then I am declaring Thursday and Friday holidays. Why? Because I can!

Today's Thought

Today, while I was walking with Abby on the back 40, I thought about health care. As you can imagine this had to be a pretty big complicated thought. As usual, I had many more questions than answers.

And why even think about health care? Well, if you get any news from the USA, you can't help but think about it. The good old Tea Party that wants to let uninsured people die for instance.

But speaking of Canada, what's going on such that universal health care should be in danger? Well, costs for one thing. It used to be that people became doctors because they wanted to help other people - they really cared and they did their best. Today, too many people study medicine because it's a ticket to becoming a millionaire. When did we decide that doctors had to be rich? And then there are all those expensive drugs and tests - and have they really improved the quality of life?

Last - and I think this is really important - too many people have abdicated responsibility for their own health. Diabetes Type 2? It's an epidemic! Why? People are eating the wrong things, too many of those things and then expecting the medical system to fix them. Why do we spend so much money looking for cures when prevention is a tiny baby step away?

Prevention is key and everyone holds that key in his or her hands. Think about smallpox and the lives it used to claim. No one looked for a cure. We found something to prevent it - and that is true with so many once-fatal diseases from measles to whooping cough.

Today prevention is even easier. We don't need a shot or boosters. We simply need to live a healthy lifestyle. It really is that easy. I don't understand why people choose illness over vibrant good health - but they do every single day. And when they choose illness, they also choose misery. You can't be happy when you hurt. So that's the question for me - why do people choose to be ill? And I want the real answer - not the excuses (I'm too busy, it's too expensive, lack of education, corporate greed.)

I'd love to know.

Sunny Monday

Here's another great thing about being semi-retired. It doesn't matter if the weather is crap on a weekend - you just make up for it when Monday hits.

Today the sun is shining. I finished my two assignments by 11.30 a.m. The rest of the day is mine. Now isn't that nice?

On a more existential note, I was thinking about how much time I spend looking forward to things: my birthday, a weekend hike, next year's vacation etc. Now, when I relish and anticipate these events, does that pull me out of the present and make the present less enjoyable and fun? Should I stop looking forward and focus on right now.

OR - is anticipation part of the present experience? Can you imagine a child not anticipating Christmas? And aren't your memories of Christmas as a child often centered around the anticipation? So is it a bad thing? A good thing?

Maybe it's just a fact of life. Humans have the ability to focus on the past and the future - and maybe that's just part of our present time experience. I don't see myself changing any time soon. Guess I'll embrace it and love that part of me too that thinks about what is to come.

To Market, To Market

Obviously, I am one of the diehards - even in the cool drizzle I showed up at the farmer's market - what a bounty the farmers bring at this time of year. It doesn't matter that it's raining. I got organic tomatoes - one so big it will easily make six sandwiches. I got bread and broccoli and potatoes and carrots - wonderful stuff. I've said it before and it's true - the Cedar Farmer's Market is the best!

On another note, I took a mini test this morning (because it was there) to judge how happy and in love I am with my life. The answer? Off the charts in every single aspect of my life.

Rock on!

beautiful body

Abby and I had a wonderful hike this morning through the Extension Ridges. The fall colours have begun to tinge the leaves of the shrubs, turning the forest's palette into subtle shades of yellows, oranges and golds - like the skin of a ripe Okanagan peach.

As I walked through the peace of the woods, moving my body vigorously along the trail, I thought about my body - my almost-65-year-old body. Forty years ago I hated my body. I wanted so badly to have longer, nicer legs, a smaller nose, larger breasts, a tinier butt - and on and on. Today, when my skin is increasingly wrinkled and my upper arms as flabby as a damp dishcloth, I can honestly say that I am completely infatuated with my body. I adore every square inch of it - warts and all. I wouldn't trade it for any other body on earth - not even a much younger one.

My body has and does serve me well. It is hearty and hale and brimming with good health. It needs no pills or stimulants of any kind. It can take me up a mountain or across the fields for hours on end. It can still run flat out or climb as high and as hard as I ask it to. My body is strong. My body performs all its tasks efficiently. When I look at it in the mirror I see a thing of beauty. And because I love and appreciate it so much I plan to take very good care of it for life - good, healthy food, lots of restorative sleep, tons of exercise - this is the formula that works. And in return for giving it these simple things - look at what it gives back to me - joy, happiness, well being!

I am so grateful!

Getting Closer

I think I'm getting closer to something - closer to understanding exactly how I go about creating the results in my life.

I thought I had a good handle on The Law of Attraction - I am revising my opinion. If the Law of Attraction was as simple as wanting something and then that something shows up, we'd all be millionaires and married to either Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. Not to mention driving a Ferrari and living in a mansion in Fiji.

I think the Law is simple - very simple. Deceptively simple shall we say.

I think I have the start of it nailed down. It starts with being grateful for your life as it is right in this exact moment - so utterly grateful that you fall in love with it - so grateful that you don't want to change a thing. And then, embracing change wholeheartedly because change is with us every day. Change is also part of life right now. So loving it - loving all of it - accepting it just as it is.

But what about the negative bits? I would challenge myself to find the gift in what appears to be so negative. Focus on the positive - always. I think that is especially important when your focus comes to yourself. Focus on the gifts that are yours and yours alone, on the uniqueness of you, on your talents and abilities. Bring those to the front.

It is absolutely true that action follows thought. If you think you are a loser you will behave like one and prove your thoughts to be true. If you believe you are a winner, in even the smallest way, you will act like one and you will win.

It all starts with where you are right now. It all starts with falling in love with yourself and your life.

What a Day!

I really enjoy days like today - a mix of a lot of things that add up to terrificness (is that a word?) .

Shopping this morning with organic peaches on sale - snagged almost 2 dozen. Nice walks with Abby. Great interview with a terrific company owner - and that, naturally turned into a good article. And now I'm going to dress nice (a rarity) and go to a birthday party.

Hurrah!

I also had a rather nice realization. Off and on in my life, I have thought that before I die I have to do something big - make a really important contribution. Today I realized that I am content and indeed joyous with the small things in life. We are not all going to discover the cure for the latest, greatest disease or create world peace but I believe that if our intentions are filled with love and we grasp opportunities to help, no matter how small, then we are making a difference and perhaps a bigger contribution that we will ever know.

Discipline

I think (hope) that it's only temporary but it appears that most of my sense of discipline has walked out the door. This morning I buckled down and wrote several pages of my latest book but geez - it wasn't all that easy making myself do it. And look here - it's not even eleven o'clock yet - I could (if I wanted to) write for another hour. But what I'll probably do is watch an hour of X Factor auditions on You Tube.

Maybe this will pass - maybe this is just me sinking into those first giddy days and weeks of semi-retirement. Or - maybe I am inherently lazy and the real me is finally coming out of the closet.

I derive hope from the fact that I am still on top of my freelance jobs.

And I do like that word, especially the first syllable.

The important thing, as I see it, is to just do what I feel like doing right now and if that includes bouts of sloth, then so be it. And not feel guilty about it - that's the secret. If I'm going to go to hell in a handbasket, I should lay back and enjoy the ride.

You CAN Fight City Hall

Not only can you fight City Hall, you can also win. That's what happened last night when a ton of people ranging from builders and developers to ordinary citizens argued successfully for having Nanaimo's residential building height restrictions lifted from 8.25 - 9 metres (about 2.5 feet).

I like to think that I had some small part in this - although very small I'm sure. I spent a good part of the day interviewing people, listening and writing about the issue. I think this is a very good thing for the city - and I realize that some people are worried about their "views." I suspect view issues will be very few and far between.

What is important is that this will go some way toward building up and not out - to helping prevent urban sprawl. We must stop bulldozing our farmland and invading more and more of our green spaces. We have so much infill space in the city that is eminently useable. The more people that live in town, the less commuting and pollution. Smaller lots, smaller setbacks, higher homes - it all makes very very good sense. Give people enough space for suites or for extended families. Goodness knows, with the cost of houses and huge mortgages these days, you need a suite to pay the costs.

City Council made the right choice. Nanaimo will also be more competitive now with cities of similar size and characteristics - a boon to our economy. I'm betting the building industry is going to perk up.

Most importantly, after all the work that went into this new zoning bylaw, it was the right thing to do.

Loving Work Again

I am really, really enjoying work again. I haven't had this much fun in ages - or felt more productive. I've spent most of the day working on a writing assignment that addresses the new zoning bylaws. Because it's the only job I'm working on for the next two days, I can really give it my full attention - that's benefit number one. Even better, this is something I believe in and can really get behind. So it's great.

This is the kind of work I love to do. And I'm doing it on a beautiful sunny day with the door to the deck open and sunlight flooding in. This is when work is not work - it is a calling. This is what I want to do in retirement - work I believe in.

Yup - it's a good day.

Remembering

If it is true that what we think, we become, then what are we all thinking about today? Are we thinking about terrorism? Are we full of revenge? Are our minds firmly fixed on 9/11?

We always get more of what we focus on.

I remember history classes at school - you know what they consisted of? War. - Yup - the history of mankind is written in its battles. So is it really surprising that we continue to go to war? We have more wars in the world right now than ever before in mankind's history.

We focus on terrorism - and we have more now than ever.

We should not be surprised.

Why do we commemorate days of suffering and pain? Why don't we give the same heartfelt attention to moments of greatness and peace and discovery?

Today I choose to focus on love, forgiveness and brotherhood.

The Little Things

I set out on an early morning hike of the Westwood Ridges today - I needed to be back home for lunch and then Merv's memorial service.

Sometimes hiking alone is perfect. It allows my mind to wander - and today it wandered down pathways of absolute joy. I am constantly amazed by how much joy I receive from the very simple things - a cooling breeze across a mountain ridge, shafts of sunlight streaming through the trees, the mottled red bark of an arbutus tree - all of these things bring me happiness so deep it feels like it sinks right into the marrow of my bones.

The following John Muir quote is from Merv's service: "Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."

What can I say to that other than "amen."

Still Vain

Today I am going to have my eyebrows done - permanent makeup. My stated reason for doing this is that I am tired of "putting my eyebrows on". I've done it for decades - and enough already!

However, if I want to be completely honest, another overriding reason is pure and simple vanity. I want to look good. I don't care that I'm going to be 65 years old two weeks from today, I still want to look my best. Of course, looking my best today as opposed to, say, 30 years ago, are two very different things.

Thirty years ago it took me almost half an hour to get ready for work in the mornings. I had moisturizer, put on a foundation, powder, several layers of eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lip liner, lipstick -blow dry and style my hair - put on designer clothing - let me tell you - it was all quite a big deal.

Today, I still moisturize - and I put on my eyebrows - a slick of lip gloss and that's it - let the hair blow as it will. Clothes? Everything I wear is performance clothing, generally the Icebreaker brand that I buy at Valhalla Pure. (my favourite store in the city next to Chapters)

In a couple of weeks I'll be visiting my hairdresser (Kiyomi Shultz - the best) and asking her to cut it all off - and I'm letting it go to its natural colour and god knows what that is - haven't seen it in 30 plus years.

How is all this vanity? I want to look my best without putting in the work. And I know I am getting older and I want to age appropriately. My mother is 95 and still dyes her hair (and puts on her eyebrows every morning). Now all her hair dye does is turn it blue. I do not want to age like that.

And I guess that's vanity.

Not Enlightened Yet

Not even remotely enlightened yet. My feet are made of clay. And I actually think I'm okay with that.

Dropped into the office this morning. Chatted with my publisher. So he has another freelancer doing work - and I was surprised how I felt a pang when he told me. Oh no! I should be doing all that work! What if he stops sending any work at all my way?

And so on - all my old insecurities of not being good enough and not being loved and admired and needed - all of it came up in one swell foop.

And it's just an automatic reaction. It has no basis in reality. I don't even want to be doing all the work any more. I want to be freelance. I want to share the workload.

I have years and years of conditioning to undo and I can see that undoing it is not going to be the work of a moment - not to be done with a snap of the fingers. There's going to be all that insecurity of being "out of the loop" - I've heard about that and I'm willing to experience all of this - as long as all the good feelings and joy and happiness outweigh the doubts.

So far the scales are definitely tipped in my direction - and I intend to keep them there, while accepting the fact that there are generally a few unexpected potholes on the road of life.

Still Summer

I hope it continues - the heat and sunshine that is.

I'm working this morning - but it's far from onerous. I vow that it will never be onerous again - that I will deeply enjoy every piece of work I do. And when I do enjoy it, I care more and I do a better job.

Now where was I? Ah yes, summer. I took Abby for a walk in the back forty (after doing an interview and some writing) and now the door to the deck is open. I can almost feel the heat wafting in - gently, slowly, an inch at a time. I can hear Abby chewing on her bone, or, more accurately, banging the bone on the deck as she wrestles the marrow out of it.

She's happy.

And me? Content - utterly content. Every activity I will be engaged in over the next days - as far into the future as I can see - is an activity I am looking forward to - even excited about. Isn't that amazing!

After Labour Day

Yup - after Labour Day, when the rest of the world is going back to school and back to work, I am going back to play. I f**&ing love this life!

Specifically I am going to hike in the foothills with Abby this afternoon then pick up two books that are on hold for me at Chapters. This is very different from going to Chapters to browse and buy books - that's just same old, same old. These are two books that are hot off the presses and that I have been waiting for for at least a year. That's enough to get me very excited.

So what are these amazing books you may well ask.

The first is Spencer Quinn: The Dog Who Knew Too Much. This is the fourth in the Chet the dog and Bernie the detective series. (first was Dog On It). Quinn writes these books from Chet's point of view and I swear, if dogs could write, they would write in this voice. I will probably devour this in one sitting.

The second is Bruce Cameron's Emory's Gift. This is Cameron's second book - first was A Dog's Purpose - a "must-read" for anyone who loves dogs.

So there we are - I figure this is a great day after Labour Day. Oh sure, I lined up interviews and stories this morning - but none of them have to be done today.

Added to all the fun I'm having is a day of warmth and sunshine. Life is good!

Labour Day

Here's another wonderful thing about being (semi)retired. Long weekends no longer mean what they once did - especially not Labour Day.

It used to be that I would anticipate long weekends many, many days in advance. You know that stretch between New Years and Easter? Yeah - that one. I used to start counting the days to Good Friday six weeks in advance. And yes, there was something wonderful about five o'clock on Friday when three days off officially began. On the other hand. Monday was never as much fun as it should be (given it was a day off) because by the time late afternoon rolled around you knew you'd be heading back to work all too soon.

So - here we are - four p.m. on Labour Day Monday and I feel fine - better than fine. Spectacular! I have no work scheduled for tomorrow and some may or may not come.

My time is mine. Every day is amazing! The weather is grand. I love this day and every day. Got great work done in the garden. I plan on gardening every day this week.

Labour Day next year is going to be even better because the day after Labour Day I leave on a month-long vacation. Yup - it's good.

What a Day!

Another day of clear blue skies and sunshine. This is the kind of Sunday I want to distill down to its essence and bottle - so that one cold and rainy winter day I can pop the cork off the bottle and inhale the tantalizing aroma and drink in the heat of late summer, sate my eyes with the intense blue of the sky and the fading greens and yellows in the fields.

First on the agenda was a walk in the back forty with Abby, then the Cedar Farmer's Market, which just gets better every week. I love ambling between the stalls on the sun-soaked field, looking at all that's on offer. Today's haul included free range eggs, local cauliflower, broccoli and potatoes, organic tomatoes and carrots, organic fresh baked bread and Yellow Point blueberries. Yummy!

More and more people are discovering the market too. I love the entertainment - a very hot marimba band this week - and, of course, the Zucchini Grand Prix!

Home now - door open, Abby basking on the south-facing deck, lunch soon and then another walk and then weeding the garden. Yup - it's as good a Sunday as it gets. My life rocks!

Mount Becher

What an epic day! One word: happy!

What could be better: hiking in Strathcona, topping out opposite the Comox Glacier, happy dogs, great hiking company, blue skies, sunshine, scenery to stop your heart - and coming back to a warm bubble bath and now - kicking back with a good book.

Really - is it any wonder I feel blessed?

Nuff said.

Long Weekend

My long weekend starts right now. Well, truthfully, it started last night. I had so little work to do this morning, it doesn't really count.

Given that next week looks like a breeze so far, my long weekend could be very long indeed. And right there is the joy of a semi-retired freelance life - choosing when to work and when to play. I have truthfully never been happier in my life.

I am also feeling spectacularly abundant. Money is popping up seemingly out of nowhere - and I have a sneaking suspicion it will continue to do so because that's what I am attracting.

Happy? Never happier in my life. Because this life is the life I choose and embrace. Chapters and more books this afternoon, Mount Becher tomorrow in great company, and after that? - sun and lazy days.

Happy Thursday

I was thinking as I was driving by the dump today (and at least I was driving by it not taking one) about what a perfect life I have created.

Everything I have ever done in my life - or thought in my life - has brought me to this place. I've put a lot of time and effort into this creation - and it's just right for me. It fits.

I have given up wishing for something different - a relationship, a new house, a luxury car, a better job - I don't want any of these things. If I did, I would have them,

What I truly want is what I have. And what I have is what I want. When you boil it down like that life becomes very simple.

I love it.