The Man Again

This reminds me of being in the dentist's chair yesterday for three hours (and I'm not complaining. I not only love the results, I also love my dentist - he's simply the best.). Except, I think the dogs were having more fun than I was.

So - the latest bulletin. The man is coming to visit on the ninth. Feels good, feels right - feels like fun. Here's the really fun part about getting older. You do get wiser (oh yes, you do) and nothing else really changes. Your emotions stay just as delightfully giddy as they were when you were sixteen. Love never changes. How you feel love doesn't change. What you do with those feelings, if you've grown at all, if you've taken the time to come to know yourself, that changes profoundly.

I am blessed.

hiking today - and other thoughts

Hiking with my friend, Julie, and her dog Ocean (and, of course) Abby, is always an intense pleasure. So the three or four hours we spent today exploring all the trails on the Extension Ridges was a pure delight. And because the ridges aren't strenuous we talked and talked and talked. Sometimes I am afraid I talk too much. And I guess I will have to let that one go.

The man did not come. He changed his mind at the eleventh hour. He called after he had already packed his car to drive to the ferry. "I'm not coming," he said. At first, I thought he was joking. When I realized that he was perfectly serious, I found myself feeling quite disappointed.

Then the really good stuff happened. He told me why he changed his mind - fear - of many things. Here I am, two ferry rides away and he has already done the long distance relationship thing and been badly hurt - and hurt another as well. Did he want another experience like that? Of course not.

I've had those hurting experiences too. And so we opened up to each other and became deeply vulnerable. We'd had some fun communication up to that point, but this time we got deep and real and rather then ending our budding relationship, we took what we have so far to some real depth and quality. I am so glad the man changed his mind. We needed to have that conversation before spending a weekend together. We needed to arrive at that depth of trust - and that is only the beginning of the depth we are capable of attaining. We both know that.

We will meet.

And when we do, it will be good.

My Father

In honour of my father's birth day, a few words about the man who contributed considerably to who I am today. He died fourteen years ago at the age of eighty-seven. He lived a good life and one filled with immense challenges. (being married to my mother was probably the biggest.)

He grew up in East Prussia, one of a family of nearly a dozen children - I honestly can't remember the exact number. Only one is still alive. Most died in the second world war - some of them brutally.

When my father was young he had polio and was told that he would never walk again. He said to the doctors, "Just watch me." And he got out of the hospital bed and fell over - and he got up and fell over - and he got up and fell over until one day he didn't fall. There were no physiotherapists in that day and that place. He taught himself to walk again.

Years later, as a craftsman in Ontario, he was applying gold leaf to the ceiling of the dome of the Ontario Legislature. The scaffold collapsed and he fell to the marble floor, hitting it feet first. I got the call in the middle of the night because I lived closest to the hospital. We rushed over and there he was in the emergency room, covered in blood, his first concern about me and that I should not be upset.

Every bone in his feet and legs was shattered - not broken - shattered. The couldn't set them. They told him he would never walk again. He said, "Just watch me."

And he did walk again, with a cane, for the next thirty years of his life. Every step he took during those years was painful. But he lawn bowled and took trips and drove and walked with his dog and never once complained. The only sign that there was pain, was his sigh of relief at the end of every day when he soaked his feet in epsom salts.

He was forty-two years old when he boarded a ship with his brother, to come to Canada. Like so many people after the war, he wanted a better life for his family. What courage it must have taken to sail to a new country, where he didn't speak the language and where he had no idea what awaited him. And he was sent to Sudbury of all places. He found work as a painter and sent for his family. He never complained, he just got down to the business at hand.

Willi was a master at seeing the silver lining in every cloud. No matter how dire the circumstances, he found a way. When his union went on strike, he drove a taxi to bring in the money we needed to survive. And the stories he came back with were always funny.

His favourite saying was, "No problems."

He stuck it out through a tough and tumultous marriage and continued to love my mother unconditionally until the day he died. Life got easier for him as the years went by - except for his constant pain. He was not the perfect father. He grew to adulthood in a time when men were more detached, when they didn't show their emotions like they do today - but he showed us how to have hope, how to assume the best of our fellow man and how to never, ever give up. And that, is a great legacy.

More Flirting

The long distance email/phone flirtation with the man has moved on. He is making the two-ferry trip to Nanaimo on Saturday, bringing his two dogs, hiking boots, ski poles (and, presumably, skis), snow boots and bowling ball.

Don't ask.

He is planning to stay until Monday morning.

Clearly a weekend stay is far beyond the realms of plain, old fashioned flirtation. And I know exactly what you're thinking - what about the sleeping arrangements?

None of your beeswax.

All right - I have several options. How's that?

Never underestimate a semi-retired woman, especially not one who doesn't feel a day over 30!

Law of Attraction

Today I had the great pleasure of interviewing Judy Basso of Judy Basso Events & Decor in Kamloops. This is a woman who could be an inspiration for anyone. Twenty-one years ago, when hardly anyone had heard of the term "event planner," she became one.

Recently she won the Best Wedding award for 2010 for all of BC. Her secret? The Law of Attraction. She doesn't just believe in the law and practice is - she lives and breathes it - it is an integral part of her life. As a result, in 21 years, 100 percent of her clients have given her rave reviews - and that ranges from weddings to corporate affairs, galas and fundraisers. In her life, there are no challenges, just opportunities to prove how creative and organized she is. She is enthusiastic and positive and because she operates from a ground of such faith and knowing that she will receive exactly what she asks for, she also operates from a ground of extreme confidence - and, of course, confidence means expecting ideal results - and she gets what she expects.

We can all emulate her. Every one of us. Believe you will receive all the best life has to offer, live your passion - and you shall receive.

Stories

A comment (based on a book) that my friend, Annette made, got me thinking. What do I do really well? Simple - I tell stories that inspire social and environmental activism - stories that touch people's hearts.

I want to tell some of those stories in this blog. To do so I need your help. Who do you know who has an inspirational story to tell? We hear all the stories every day about the environmental disasters and all the other things in the world that are wrong - foreclosures, child abuse, poverty - the list is a long one. I fear that most of us simply turn away - it's too much, it's too depressing. We pull a blanket over our heads and don't listen - and we do nothing.

I believe most of us are motivated to do something when we are inspired to act. And I also believe there are a million reasons to be inspired. I want to publish some of those reasons.

If you know someone who has succeeded against all odds, tell me. I want to tell their story. Here first, perhaps more later.

Another secret of retirement - use your time to do what you love, to do what you are called to do. to build a legacy.

Snow

When I look for things to be grateful for in my life, I don't have to look long or far. How's this for paradise? A day spent hiking the Westwood Ridges in a new snowfall. Making new friends, watching the dogs romp in the snow. Sliding back down the hill on our bums, laughing - most of all - marveling at the beauty around us.

I live a blessed, rich and abundant life. And every day it gets better.

What will tomorrow hold? Likely, Harry Potter... but I suspect a lot else besides.

Tomorrow

A big hike tomorrow.

An increase in flirtation today.

It gets better.

My new definition of retirement: giving yourself over fully to your passion in life. Step one: discover your passion. If you've been stuck in a 9 to 5 rut for years, this may take time. On the other hand, there's nothing wrong with it being easy. Find your passion. Identify your path, commit to it - then (important step) do it!

I've been excited about quite a few things lately. One of those is an idea for a new book. It's very ambitious. But then, shouldn't a woman's reach exceed her grasp?

Flirting

You're never too old to flirt, to be infatuated or to fall in love. I know this from having interviewed people of eighty plus years who met and married in a nursing home and were, quite obviously, deeply in love. I know this from the stories I've heard and from the evidence I have seen.

And so, I am thoroughly enjoying the best online flirtation I've had in ages. I don't even care if we never meet. It's just so much fun and I love the little heart flip when another message appears.

Did I mention that life is good? No? Silly me. Life is grand.

Work

Today certainly didn't look like a day of retirement - or even semi-retirement. It started with a three-hour meeting - then hurrying back to complete two features.

But, in truth, at least part of the day was the best kind of retirement - doing work you really love doing. I don't imagine anyone really wants retirement to be all about sitting on a couch with the remote. And even a constant schedule of travel can become "same old, same old" after a while. We all still need a sense of accomplishment or worth.

One of the ways I achieve that is in doing great writing (telling stories) that make a difference. I was given that opportunity today and it's lovely. I'm having so much fun.

A Dog's Purpose

Was it only yesterday that I was writing about purpose?

Well, then, it's obviously no coincidence that I just finished reading, "A Dog's Purpose" by W. Bruce Cameron. Warning: if you love dogs you're going to cry - more than once. But don't let that stop you from getting your hands on this book. It's magnificently written, beautifully interpreted and the story is gripping. There's a lesson here on purpose for humans, too. This is definitely I book I'll read again. But first, I have to mop up some more here.

We have so much to learn from these creatures who live to love us.

The Beatles were right.

It just seems to take us humans so much longer to realize this.

Mind Power

Thanks to Pam Lewis for giving me "Mind Power" by John Kehoe. Of all the "Law of Attraction" type of books I have read, this one is the best. I feel inspired - or perhaps, even more inspired - to live large.

No dream, no ambition, no goal is too big or out of reach.

I know that. I have always known that if I want something badly enough I will have it. This, of course, is rapidly proving to be more than a "New Age" fantasy. Science is proving it and I have proof - in my life, it is irrefutably true, that I have what I believe I deserve.

My life is a physical manifestation of my beliefs. My beliefs are getting better and bigger and more glorious every day.

Watch out world!

Here I come!

Purpose

As I was walking through the autumn woods this morning with Abby, my thoughts turned to purpose - as in life purpose. I'm sure this must be the one millionth time I've thought about my life purpose - and that's probably only a very slight exaggeration.

Yes, I've done the self development programs (most notably the Excellence Series: www.excellenceseminars.com) and I have revealed "purpose." I know that my purpose is to fully be who I am etc. etc. but I was thinking about purpose in a much larger sense. Perhaps the word I am looking for is "legacy" more than purpose.

I look at my life and realize it is quiet and quite ordinary. I don't sit down in front of this blog every day (or nearly every day) and start describing great, spine-tingling, chill-inducing, death-defying adventures. The reason I don't is because I'm not having any. Not that I'm complaining - I love my life. But my mind occasionally turns to people like Greg Mortenson and Mother Theresa and Ghandi and dozens of others and I think, "There was a life lived with purpose, vision and passion. There was a legacy left to the world."

What about my legacy? What will I leave behind?

I don't have the answer but the search is, I think, a worthwhile quest. Coincidentally (ha!) I stopped by Chapters right after our hike and picked up a book titled, "A Dog's Purpose." It's the story of a dog searching for his purpose through multiple lives. Excellent. And then Pam Lewis gave me "Mind Power," a book she said would blow my mind.

Excellent. Ask and it shall be given.I also picked up a French/English dictionary and two German language books. I think I'll start practicing German by asking my mother if we can please stick to German, however pitiful my efforts are, when we talk on the phone each week. I resisted the thought originally - even that slight favour makes me feel vulnerable around her and that's a "no-no" for me. I decided to change my mind about that. I don't have to be a victim of my childhood.  64 seems an appropriate age to grow up and get over myself.

Eureka!

I had a quiet Eureka moment last night about an hour after French class. I realized that I am not meant to be studying French - I should be learning German! (or at least perfecting my German.)

Now I'm not saying that learning French is a waste of time. Learning is never a waste and I am enjoying it and will continue to get a great deal of benefit from it. But when I travel in Europe I tend to stay in Switzerland where German is spoken - at least it is the the Berner Oberland where the best hiking is. My relatives live in Germany and speak German. German is the language I grew up in - wouldn't it be nice to get my vocabulary up to scratch - and my grammar - and my pronunciation?

I'm far more excited about German than I am about French - or any other language really.

What a delightful thing to realize so early on. So, in the New Year, I shall switch to German. In the meantime, j'etude le Francaise et je suis heureux.

Believe

I saw a greeting card some years ago - I'm sure you have too - it's been a perennial favourite since it made its first appearance. The message consisted of one simple word: "Believe."

What we believe is ultimately what we experience in life. So, yes - believe! Believe in magic and magic will drop into your life every day. Believe in love and you will love and be loved. Believe in joy and it shall dog your footsteps.

The Buddha said, "What we think we become." But what creates our thoughts? What determines those thoughts? Some thoughts we consciously control - but so few, really. It is our unconscious thoughts that tend to be the boss and those stem from our beliefs. I believe that we are wise to focus on the things we believe in and change those beliefs if they aren't working for us. Then, watch those results come pouring in.

So I was musing this morning about my beliefs. What are the beliefs that serve me well? I believe that all people are basically good and that given what they know, they are doing the best they can. I believe the world is beautiful, miraculously so, and that we have the power to preserve its beauty - and that we will. I believe that love is the driving force of life. I believe that all sentient beings have feelings, thoughts and emotions and are worthy of respect. I believe in friendship and I believe that people merit our trust. I believe that laughter is healthy and can create world peace and I believe our bodies were made to be healthy and strong and to last a hundred years or more.

I believe in bliss and in the eternity or the soul and that abundance and happiness are our natural states. I believe we are our brothers' and sisters' keepers. I believe in justice, truth and fair play.

I realize this list could go on and on. I believe in goodness. And I believe that I have beliefs that don't serve me well. My limiting beliefs steer thoughts that give me results that are less than spectacular. If I want to uncover what those beliefs are, I only need to look at my results. I am financially comfortable but not as abundant as I want to be. The good news about that is that I'm getting at the root cause of that and it's changing. I grew up with the belief that in order to attract money, I had to work hard. And that is exactly what has occurred in my life. No more. Lately, more and more, I am attracting money by working with ease and, most especially, by not working at all. In fact, soon I'll be paid by the government , specifically not to work. I like this system a lot. I have noticed myself telling myself and Abby how very rich we are.

Result two - still single and still without a relationship. My beliefs about that? I have a list longer than my proverbial arm. It started in my teens when my belief was that all men wanted was sex (and I had a lot of evidence to back that up) and continued in my thirties when I believed that "there are no good men out there - all the good ones are taken." Trust me, I had a lot of evidence supporting that belief. I suspect, actually, that I deliberately looked for evidence. We would often rather be right about our beliefs than change them. What do I hear myself saying now? "At my age, it's really hard to find someone." "I can't find a man to keep up with me and to be really active." "Do I really even want to be bothered?" Yes, the list goes on.

What I need to believe is that there are tons of men out there who are active, happy, healthy and attractive who are just dying to meet me and who I would be madly happy to have a relationship with. Can I believe that? Yes, if I can find evidence and yes, I am gathering it - tiny bit by tiny bit. But that's the secret to changing beliefs - look for evidence to back up a new belief - that's what will lend it credence and make it solid. You need to cast aside doubts and proof tends to do that.

In the end, changing beliefs is all about the scientific method but I don't think it works to find evidence first - decide what you want to believe, then look for evidence - then your thoughts will change and as your thoughts change, so do your actions. The result? Well, the results you want, obviously. Just believe.

Relative Time

This is the best time of my life. Right now. No, wait - now -um - well, now. And now is never now because the minute you say "now," now is past.

I've been wrestling with the idea of time forever. Apparently, I'm in good company, although Albert seems to have had a much better handle on the notion than I do.

What I want to do in this best possible, beautiful, eventful time of my life is live each moment to the fullest and to remain present in the here and now. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Ha! Even as I sit here writing this, part of my mind is thinking that as soon as the clothes are dry, I'll fold them and put them away and then I'll have to "get through" the next hour or so until I can have lunch and read the paper (I love this - look forward to it every day - which means, of course, that I am not in the moment.).

Then I'm looking forward to a nap and then a long walk with Julie and the two dogs - and off I go - projecting madly into the future when what I want is to love this moment. And I do! But.....

Which leads me to the question: when am I fully in present time? I define that phenomenon as those occasions when time seems to stop - when I am so absorbed in what is going on right here and now that I am unaware of anything else, least of all the future. Those occasions are rare. They have come to me now and then in my work - editing film particularly. But most often, when I am out in the mountains hiking - when I am surrounded by beauty so compelling that I pray and thank spirit for my blessings. My heart grows so full it feels as though it will burst - and time ceases to have any meaning - at least for a short space of time. (there's that word again - please note the paradox).

I think that at least one of the secrets of a happy retirement (and a happy life - period) is to become conscious of those things that enrapture us and to do those as often as we can.

Which means, inevitably, that I'm looking forward to my next hike this afternoon - in the future, of course. But I do love the present - really....

November Hike

It seems I get luckier and happier every day. Today I made a new friend and together (with our dogs) we hiked up Maple Mountain and around it and down - we hiked into the clouds and swirling mist, the cloud muffling all sounds and creating a magic forest of green moss and ferns and shape-shifting trees - the kind of forest where you expect the fairies to come popping out with little, peaked, leaf-green caps on their heads. I could almost see them dancing on the soft carpet of moss.

Then a drive home and a long, hot bubble bath - pure bliss. Lying in the bath, contemplating how very, very fortunate I am.

Reading a wonderful book (Room - shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize) and listening to the rain on the roof. I contemplate this life getting a little better every day - and I contemplate, at the same time, ways to contribute so that others' lives too, can become a little better each day.

Two days since I have done the French catch-up homework I told myself I would do. Oh well - I'm semi-retired - no shoulding on myself.

Rainy Friday

Sometimes retirement doesn't feel like retirement - not even semi. Well, it does and it doesn't. Let me explain what I mean. Today I have two features to write, which is pretty much what I'd be doing on any working day.

But, I'm happy to be doing them.

And yesterday, I landed a contract for the kind of free-lance writing I want to do and plan to do more and more of - working with a company that does personal development training. Yes, please, give me more inspirational work. I am called to inspire social and environmental activism by telling powerful stories that touch people's hearts.

My first feature for the day is about a catering service in Kamloops that uses only organic food and sources everything locally. Hurrah! That's easy to get behind. And this company, aptly called Conscientious Catering, even won the Iron Chef Team award.

So, it's not like retirement because I'm working and it's very much my sort of take on retirement because it's doing work that I like.

And tomorrow I am off on a long hike rain or shine with a man I have never met....

Intriguing.

Francaise! Oui!

Yesterday I had my first French lesson. So I walked into the room with five other people, all of whom had been through the first 47 chapters of the textbook together - and I came in on chapter 48 - declining irregular French verbs in the future tense!

Was I intimidated? Uh - your bet! But not for long, I am happy to report. I had such fun! My French comprehension is so much better than I thought it would be. My accent, on the other hand, leaves much to be desired. But I got it! And I am immensely proud that I was able to answer all the questions in French and even write three paragraphs on the charms of La Belle Provence, all using the future tense! Whew!

The hour and a half flew by and I was thrilled with the experience. But - yes, there's a but - homework. I did it - I completed it. But I admit that it was a bit tedious. I was trying to analyze why and I think it's that I have to write out the answers, which is such a slow process when the answers come into my mind so quickly. If I only had to think answer and sentences, I could get through the work in five minutes. But writing it all out takes at least half an hour or more.

Nevertheless, I am telling myself this is great practice and I shall persevere. I have also set myself the task of plowing through the first 47 chapters of the text book on my own. Not all before the next class, however. I do love the interaction of the teacher (who is a genuine hunk, by the way) and the students. I always find that so much learning occurs in that process.

So I love being a student and I hope/expect to see tons of progress. Yoga tonight. My life is rich and full and delicious. I was remarking to a friend the other day that I feel exactly as though I am falling in love. And I suppose I am - I am in love with my life.

The Challenge

The challenge with not working is not working. Because I am "semi-retired" my work paraphernalia surrounds me. The difference is that instead of doing about three features a day, I am doing one or two and occasionally none at all.

Now, I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. Far from it - it's quite desirable actually. It's the issue of getting my head around it. I still have moments - quite a few of them if I'm going to be honest - of thinking that I "should" be doing something more constructive than sitting in front of my computer playing spider solitaire.

But should I? Why do I feel guilty when I am "wasting time." And how do we define wasting time anyway? Is it wasting if I'm perfectly content to do nothing. Isn't it a greater waste of time to be working at twenty jobs at once, frantically trying to hit deadlines and hating every minute of it? I see so many people who are very busy getting things done - moving paper from one pile to another and watching the clock and waiting, waiting, waiting for the day to be over. That's a waste of time.

Time is precious. It's also relative and I could debate its very existence but  as I go through my very human and ordinary day, I move through time as we know it and have defined it.

It's time (there's that word again) to truly enjoy doing nothing and to do nothing guilt free. I notice though that the phrase "do nothing" has the word "do" in it and therein lies part of the problem. So let me re-phrase this. It's time for me to perfect the art of being idle.

Doesn't that have a much better ring to it? As in, "the idle rich."

Move over, idle rich, I'm joining your ranks.