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Saturday, December 18, 2010

Attraction


M asked me about physical attraction. Do I not find him attractive? If I am attracted to everything else about him, why am I not physically drawn in? What's missing?

I thought a long time before venturing to answer the question. To describe what is missing is hard at best. Imagine walking though a forest and trying to describe what you don't see. Now imagine how easy it is to describe everything that's there - the moss, the towering firs and cedars, the earthy smell of mushrooms hidden in the wet grass....

I can describe what I like about M. I like his intelligence. I like the way he loves his dogs and his gentleness with them. I like his world view. I like his concern for the environment and I like that he walks his talk - he is actually creating a sustainable environment. I like his openness and his willingness to be vulnerable. I like his honesty - he has already earned my trust. I like his sensitivity to boundaries.

There is a lot to like.

What is missing from this list?

I know that the things that have drawn me in to men in the past have been charisma, self assurance and humour - the more wicked the humour the better. These are not words I would use to describe M.

And that's the best I can do. Despite the rain and the "gloomy" day, I will be hiking for two hours this afternoon - and enjoying every wet minute of it.

What will happen with M? I don't know. And really, it doesn't matter one bit. I am resting comfortably in the sure knowledge that I am being as honest with myself and with him as I possibly can be - and so it will all unfold as it should.

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