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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Vulnerability

My big challenge today is to invite people to read my blog. I anticipate this great event with as much joy and relish as I do sticking my fingers down my throat so that I can expel my most recent meal.

I have always had this fear of exposing myself. What if people look at me and say, "Ugh - put it back!" Or, more likely, "You are so pathetic." Better yet. "Why on earth are you blogging? What makes you think you have anything even remotely interesting to share?"

Yesterday I read that if you insist on being a blogger, you have to blog every day. So here I am, setting myself up for rejection every day. The voice inside my head - and, believe me, this voice is an old, familiar friend, says. "You're not good enough."

pause

"You're really not good enough."

I listened to it in bed last night when I woke up at about 2 a.m. I listened until it morphed into "Not Goody enough."

Aha!

Gotcha!

I'm not Goody enough. And that's my first "retirement project." To be Goody enough. To be Goody all the time. Just me. Just what you see is what you get. Just to be blessed by being who I am and loving the Goody that I am.

Welcome to my blog.

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